How to repair a marriage after betrayal or after cheating?
After the main foundation of it – meaning trust – is irredeemably lost?
Numerous marriages may be beyond fixing, beyond any conceivable repair, as the couple doesn’t share any memorable love memories.
There is nothing left out there to bring them back together and fix their former relationship.
This article deals with those happy instances where one partner in the couple still wishes to fix it to get back the ex.
Are there any realistic chances to make it work again? We shall see…
To repair a marriage after trust has been broken, you need to follow, at least, these steps:
- Take some time off to have an enjoyable vacation and recover your emotional strength.
- Take a step back and evaluate the whole situation.
- Read as much as you can about this kind of experience; they often happen in the real world.
- If you have a close, trustworthy friend, ask for advice.
- Evaluate if you really want to fight for this relationship.
- If you have decided t repair the couple and get your ex back, try to find what he or she is doing right now.
- Evaluate the trustworthiness of your information: is your ex trying to rebuild his life, seeing another person, etc.
- What about the children (if there are children in the family)?
- What about your spousal allocation?
Read more in this article and other blog posts on this site…
How to repair a marriage when trust is broken? What to do when your relationship is NOT what you’ve dreamed of?
This is for anyone looking to get an ex back.
May it be your ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, ex-wife, ex-husband, or ex-fiance.
When feeling down and unsure about yourself.
A plan will give you hope.
You have to have a plan, or else you won’t know what to do when you find yourself in a situation that may be similar to the one that leads to the breakup in the first place.
The way that you will go about getting your ex back will depend on several things, such as the nature of your separation, how long you were gone, the current relationship you are trying to get back into.
You should know that it won’t be by following a list of steps to a solution when you get your ex back.
Your answer must be tailor-made to fit the nature of the breakup and the relationship you are trying to get back into.
It is up to you to create a tailored plan for your breakup and your relationship and fits your specific situation.
Take a step back, away from the breakup. Evaluate…
When you get your ex back, what you need to do is take a step back, away from the breakup. Be in a state of detachment.
Take a minute to be alone with your ex.
You should have a moment to have your troubles and your feelings out in the open.
You both must be able to express yourself at this time.
You are no longer living with each other, so you must be able to separate what is essential from what is not.
Take time to reflect on how you both were at the time of the breakup and think of ways to make things better.
This may seem silly, but you may be surprised at how good it can feel just to sit down and say,
“I changed my mind. I’m sorry that it had to come to this. I wish that things would have been modified between us. I want to try making things work between us instead of against us. I will give it my best shot. But we can try making things work instead of trying to fix things that are broken. It will take a lot of effort, experience, and money, but I think it’s worth it for the friendship. I love you and want to get back together. How do you feel?”
Can you repair a toxic marriage? Take care – it is your common decision.
If you both decide that you want to try to make things work, then take another moment to be alone and think about things that are not going so well and where you need to change (if you don’t, learn more here about how to end an affair; click the link).
Once you have been alone with your ex, then take a moment to think about what you have agreed on and what is not working.
You may find that you can almost agree that you have some things in common but disagree on the following steps to take.
This will not be easy, but you are on the same team, and your marriage is worth it.
I’ve seen people get this done in a couple of days.
And you have just seen a few steps towards the next step.
The next step is to go to counseling.
Go ahead and give it a shot. You don’t need a lot of money for it, and it doesn’t take a lot of time (if you are interested in reading more about trust in marriage and couple counseling, click the link, and it will open a new window in your existing browser).
Once a month, decide on the next steps that you need to take to improve your marriage.
Go out and find an expert to sit down with.
Don’t let the expert get too aggressive about working on your conjugality.
Just listen: is it possible to repair a marriage after an affair?
You can work on it the same night or the next (more on the slow, agonizing downfall of your marriage and the signs pointing to it, here; click the link).
If you want to do both the next few nights, that is great, but don’t count on it.
It will take a few times before you begin to see results. Don’t give up.
Things might improve, and your marriage will improve also.
If you wait too long, then it will be too late.
Remember, it takes a few steps to make a change, not one step.
Take one step at a time, one day at a time, and your marriage will be better than ever (more on how to repair a marriage here and here; click the links, and they will open new windows in your pre-existing browser).
When is it too late to repair a marriage? He probably lost his mind… Is it possible to get your ex back?
Show your understanding, your sensitive size: these are not bad people. The reason is that most of them don’t really know what their potential is to get their ex back.
They have fallen in love with the wrong girl or guy.
You have been seeing these men because you wanted to know what to do to win your ex back.
So now you know how to get your ex back with lots of love and passion.
This is something that you and your ex would go back to.
And if he was the one who left, then you need to figure out the kind of person you want to be with. You can get your ex back by loving the right person.
These are ways to help you learn how to get back with your ex, and these ways lead through trust; more on how to fix your marriage when trust is broken here; click the link.
Your ex is not as bad as you think he is.
Let him know that he isn’t the only person you can be with.
People believe that they can only have one kind of relationship.
But it’s possible to live with two different types of people.
The extraordinary thing about this is that you can become much more enjoyable.
You don’t have to be one person and only be with one person.
You can be with two different types of people.
Your ex is in love with you. But he is also in love with someone else.
This can be your ex-boyfriend, girlfriend, or someone else. Both of you are good people.
We all make mistakes.
So let your ex know that you forgive him and that you are willing to give him another chance. You are still interested in him and wanting to be with him.
But your focus is shifting.
You are turning from the bad girl to a more attractive girl.
Show him how you can get into his pants.
If your ex just walked out on you because he found someone else, then he is going to wonder about how he could not have known.
Ask him how he knew he was going to end up with someone else. Then ask him how he really felt about you.
Do not just say “I am sorry” and leave. If you can avoid this trap, then you can get back with your ex.
So this is going to be complicated.
But you can work on these. And you will do some specific things to make it easier to get your ex back.
First, you want to find out if you still want to be with him. And to do that, you will need to get out of the “I am sorry” mentality.
This is important. So your new attitude should be: “You know what, I am not sorry about anything. I am ready to let go of you. I am ready to be with someone else. But I am not sorry. I am open to others.”
Can you repair a sexless marriage? Can you repair a loveless marriage?
Ask him to meet you somewhere. Have a drink together.
Then you can go and have sex.
You can be sure that he will feel that he lost you. He will feel vulnerable.
And that is what he wants.
So give him the extent he needs to feel that. But not so much that he has to leave.
Then it is time to go get your stuff.
If you have packed for the trip, get out of the house and meet him somewhere else.
But don’t try to convince him. Just send him off with a smile and word that you can’t miss him. Then get back to work.
If you do not lose your mind after the break-up and just move around like crazy looking for your ex, he probably feels vulnerable, and that is fine.
Let him think you are vulnerable.
But he will still see you like a little jumpy. So do not start a bunch of new friends or go to a bunch of new places.
Take a break and sit down and begin to think of a plan.
If you talk to him and give him his space, he will feel that he has lost his ex.
When he goes back to where he first met you, then he will have forgotten about you.
And this is what he needs.
But if you just sit around all over the place feeling sorry for yourself, then he will be sure that you are an unreliable girl who will never let him have his ex back.
So take the break up and plan to make it a little easier.
How to save your relationship after the AFFAIR – Helpful Tips.
It will depend on the circumstances, but here are a few things you can do to make an attempt more likely.
Get your ex to think about the pain you’re causing them.
It’s hard for them to sit back and think about you hurting them.
They’re thinking about you right now, and you just might be able to get them to consider them missing you because of how hard it is for them to think about you hurting them.
Explain that it would be an easy thing for you to do and do it.
Take the effort to reach out and to assure them that you’re not doing it to hurt and that you want to work things out.
Ask for some quality help…
Then, ask for their help. Show them that you want their help in making things work.
Tell your ex that you want to make things right again and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes.
Remind them how much you want to work things out and remind them that this is what you said you wanted.
If they were as emotionally injured as they were, they would know that you meant it when you said you want to work things out.
The last thing you want is for them to reject you or to punish you because you haven’t been sincere about wanting to work things out.
Do what you can to get your ex to move to another room or otherwise cut you off from the phone and internet.
This is an essential step because it’s hard for them just to drop everything and ignore all communication from you.
Your Ex Needs To Feel Heard.
Your ex needs to hear you tell them that you’ve thought about them hurting; the thought of them being alone can even make them cry and feel very lonely.
Your ex needs to feel that you understand and empathize with the pain.
This may not be easy to hear, but that’s what they’ve asked you to do.
You may not know what they mean by hurting them, but you know that it’s causing them pain.
So when they call and say they’re pulling from the negative emotions, you must let them talk.
You should also show empathy for their pain by asking how you can make it better for them.
Suppose you’re genuinely interested in saving your relationship. In that case, you’ll follow their lead and strive to make things better for them, even if you don’t understand what they mean by hurting or by wanting to hurt.
If you want to save your relationship…
If you genuinely want to save your relationship, you’ll allow them to set the pace and to decide the terms of your relationship.
You’ll sit down and talk together about the desired outcome and set a course of action that will get you there.
However, at this point, they’re the one that has to make the first move.
You’ll take turns to check in with them, and you’ll listen to their problems and concerns.
They’ll be the one that initiates intimacy, and this is how you’ll both know that your relationship is going where it needs to go.
Make a conscious decision.
To set your relationship on the right track, you have to make a conscious decision that you’re going to save your relationship after the affair.
You’ll realize that it’s not going to happen if you’re constantly bringing up the affair and feeling hurt and angry and doubtful. The only way it’s going to go forward is to both agree to give it a go.
If you need to save your relationship, you have to choose and commit to doing so.
You can’t set it up on your own and expect it to succeed.
Once you’ve committed to doing something, you should learn from the experience and make the conscious decision to let go. In other words, if you’re going to save your relationship, you should know that it’s not going to happen if you keep bringing up the affair and feeling hurt and angry.
You should know that you have to do the work, and you should be willing to let go of the bitterness and the excitement.
At the same time, you should also know that you can’t go forward if you don’t set it up to have some sort of ultimate goal. You should know that without this goal, it will not have any momentum.
Without some sort of end or destination, the anger, bitterness, and doubt will remain.
The only way it’s going to be possible to set yourself up to succeed is if you’re both willing to give it a go and if you’re both willing to do the work.
The Three Steps to Get Your Ex Back After an Affair
Is your marriage worth saving? Are the long years during which your husband, your spouse, and you spent quality time together, forming a happy marriage transforming into a broken marriage?
Into a falling apart union, into an unhappy marriage, in need of marriage counseling?
Spending time married and living a great married life leads you to external advice to a marriage counselor? Isn’t your marriage worth saving?
Are your marriage problems unsolvable?
Now, you are living apart some form of online marriage – that is not for genuine married couples.
The important thing here is that you want to get your ex to miss you as little as possible.
It helps to be clear on the fact that there’s no need to lose in yourself. There is a need to lose yourself in the people around you. This may mean that you’re going to miss some things about your ex.
However, it helps to be aware of that and realize that there are many things about your ex that aren’t all that important.
As much as possible, do not give in to the urge to compare yourself to your ex.
Sometimes this leads to comparing your ex to other people.
This can keep you from having the best ex-experience possible.
You want to have an ex experience that makes you remember all the reasons why you were in love in the first place. There are things you can do that make your ex miss you.
If your ex is still around…
If your ex is still around, make sure you reach out to them and tell them that you’d like to talk.
It helps to be brief and to indicate that you’re not sure what to say. The important thing here is to be concise and let them know that you’re unsure what you want to talk about.
It can help to take some time for yourself, even if you want to maintain an open relationship.
You can do some introspection, including doing some journaling or working on some self-help books.
Sometimes, it can help to call your ex.
It helps to take this step if your ex is still around and if you are sure that you’ve taken all the steps needed to maintain your relationship. You can do this if you have taken all the necessary steps to not fall into bad habits.
Again, the most important thing here is to call and make sure that you don’t say the wrong things and make sure that you do the right things.
Be aware that the most critical thing in this situation is to avoid getting into bad habits. You want to avoid making mistakes that are likely to lead to problems. The opposite of this is to prevent the same mistakes that lead to problems. You want to keep things fresh. You want to take some risks.
How to repair a marriage when trust is broken. It’s good to have a plan of action.
You want to set up the conditions for what you hope will be a productive conversation. With any luck, you can avoid problems that happen more often than they do in healthy relationships.
You want to take some steps that take some risks.
If your ex is still around and in the same house, take the steps that are likely to be least disruptive to his or her life and most likely to lead to problems. This may require that you go in with your hands up and tell him or her that you want to attempt to work things out.
In this case, the first step is usually the riskiest.
It’s difficult to confront him or her with everything that’s happened.
It’s dangerous to share the pain you feel. But, in this situation, it’s the one that can work. It doesn’t take much to avoid problems, and if the risk pays off, the relationship can often be healed.
It’s important to realize that these steps can also take the form of negotiation.
If there’s no chance of things working out at home, both people can often agree to go in with their hands up and agree to the first step being the riskiest.
That’s sometimes what the situation calls for, especially if the ex has threatened divorce and the situation has become toxic.
How to repair a marriage after an affair, for instance? These negotiations can take different forms.
It may be a “yes or no” question. In this case, it’s essential to be very clear on the options. If the question is, “do you want to work things out?” you’ll want to be very clear about the consequences.
When you call the person you were in a relationship with to explain what happened and request them to come to the house to talk, you need to think about what happens when they don’t show up.
Is it polite to say that you wanted them to leave immediately?
Is it polite to call them at work and tell them that they aren’t here?
You need to ask yourself what you might do if they were here. What happens if they don’t show up?
Do you have to think about what you might say if it happens again? What if they’re not here next week?
Another difference is that the person who cheated needs to come to the house to apologize.
If they are not willing to do this, it’s not a proper apology. If they don’t apologize, you may want to ask if there’s another way to achieve the same goal or if you should just leave them alone.
If you chose to keep them, you may want to think about what you should say if they were to return.
What if they were to leave without apologizing?
There are plenty of other differences between the above and below.
The situations each have their own unique challenges and nuances.
Some of these are just about timing. You need to think about when is the right time to do this and what will happen if you do that.
This is also about the risk.
Doing these will have benefits and risks, but they are also risks that you might want to consider.
Frequently Asked Questions
The answer is relatively simple. You just have to repair your relationship; you can only do it by being mature and calm. For that, you have to know how to fix a marriage beforehand.
There’s no doubt that alcohol has ruined many lives. Alcoholism, if not checked, can destroy a marriage. Some marriages can’t be saved because of alcoholism. It’s as though there’s a wall built between partners. It may not be physically, but emotionally, they can’t connect. At least not as deep a bond as they once had. These situations are very, very sad…
If a marriage is beyond repair, you know what that is – when there is physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, or any form of abuse, you can never rebuild your marriage. What is it when you have a union that is a mess, but you’re in it because you love your partner? And you’re working at it because you’re trying to save your marriage.
If you have gone through a divorce lawsuit, you know the agony of a failing marriage. You feel trapped between solid rock and a hard place, you feel frustrated, you feel depressed, you feel lonely, you feel frustrated and confused. It is not easy.
This question, like all questions about domestic violence, is a complicated one. You will find answers from people who have been there and people who just know. So let’s start with what people have been through and what they have done to repair relationships that got so bad they were on the verge of divorce. I think you should read more on this in my other blog posts.
PS. Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or happiness, whatever situation; if you are thinking about serious consequences, please, see a lawyer; my advice or words or jokes or whatever couldn’t in any way replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; act very wisely, please).
Disclaimers. All rights reserved. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post, ’Repair A Marriage (vs.) Waste Your Last Chance Of Bliss!’. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” Wedding, Pregnancy People (1), and Romance by David Watson (I’ve got the copyright). The featured image is from Pixabay, featured in Canva; a great thanks to everyone for their work! If you could give me a Twitter share, a Youtube, Instagram, or a Facebook share or other social media, it would help a lot! A tiny affiliate disclosure is on the disclaimer page; I might make a tiny commission if you would buy through my links at no price increase for you or anyone.