Are you not happy with your marriage? Is it Your Fault or your Spouse’s one?
Are you one of those ubiquitous cases of people crying, “I’m just not happy with marriage”…..?
Here, you will find a few common-sense ideas on how to detect early signs of trouble and what to do to prevent the failure of your relationship.
I’ve often heard people saying, “I’m just not happy in my marriage.”
Well, and then what?
What did you do except complaining?
If you need a step further beyond sterile complaint, this article, hopefully, is for you.
Be aware of this:
The relationship will remain a challenge.
Issues will not disappear when you get married and become a dull and drab routine obligation about as enjoyable as a regular trip to the dentist.
Early warning signs of trouble. Starting to utter, “I’m just not happy in my marriage.”
You feel unhappy in your marriage.
A happy marriage is a stable marriage.
A happy marriage is a marriage where the people feel contented and at home in their marriage.
The average couple feels dissatisfied in the first few years.
There are usually many conflicts, often because of work issues, and one or both partners may feel burnt out.
There is typically a lot of fighting and disagreement.
There is usually not a lot of intimacy.
Your spouse seems unhappy in your marriage—top unhappy marriage signs.
You may notice your spouse’s mood shifts, a change in the diet, not eat as much, he/she seems to be concentrating more on themselves than on you, not sleep as much as they used to.
They may be more on their toes than usual.
This is not healthy.
Some things can be done to change this.
You should not neglect it.
The marriage has problems because you have ignored it.
You should make sure that you consider it but do not ignore it.
You should make an effort to address it.
You want to save your union, but you feel like you are walking on eggshells, or you don’t want to make a fuss.
Hence, you pretend everything is fine, and you do not disclose that you have marriage trouble.
Doing this is very dangerous.
All it takes is one of you opening up to the other, and then the other will follow suit.
Respect your spouse’s views.
Respect your spouse’s views is a great way to have a happy marriage.
If you respect your spouse’s opinions, he or she will try to respect your views.
By doing this, it is a clear win-win situation for both of you (more about fixing a marriage after the trust was broken is here; click the link).
Let your spouse do things his or her way.
You respect your spouse’s views; you will be appreciated.
This is how to have a happy marriage (if you are interested in another blog post about how to change yourself to save your marriage with couples therapy, click the link)
Things to avoid:
- Avoid “blaming.” You and your spouse cannot be held responsible for any faults. If there is a fault, it is yours, and you cannot blame your spouse. You cannot give each other a beating. Instead, find solutions to the problem.
- Your spouse cannot be disrespectful. Instead of saying “I am sorry,” say “Let us think about this.” You cannot force your spouse to do things that he or she might not want to do. Instead, make a plan for yourself.
- You cannot be disagreeable. If your spouse does something that is not agreeable to you, you do not have to become an “antis,” blocking your spouse. Instead, suggest how to improve it.
- Your spouse cannot be uncaring. Instead of saying, “I have nothing nice to say,” say, “Let us share nice things that we have enjoyed during this time.” This way, you will show your spouse that you are caring and loving.
Focus on these things, instead:
- You can have a happy marriage if you learn to make your spouse feel loved. Love is a feeling, not a word. When your spouse feels loved, he or she will do anything for you. Also, when your spouse feels loved, he or she will do anything to please you.
- Love is a choice. There is no one else who can give you love like yourself. This means that you cannot give your spouse love. You can show your spouse kindness. Be kind in words and indeed.
- There is no visible difference between a good wife, and a good wife is a good mother. In fact, a good mother and a good wife are the same. In other words, you should treat each other the same.
- It does not matter how well you think you know your spouse. This should be considered a good thing. You should treat each other well. You should make each other happy.
If you put the above in mind, you will make your marriage a happy one.
Do not ignore the above.
Do not take each other for granted.
Do not be self-centered, and you will be able to enjoy your marriage.
About revealing… Only reveal what is necessary.
Do not divulge that you have marriage trouble.
Then do nothing until you have addressed it.
You are in the middle of a fight, and you do nothing to change the issue.
Marriage trouble can easily blow up into a conflict.
If the couple cannot follow through with the issue resolved, then it becomes a fight (maybe you didn’t know how to improve the communication in your marriage).
Marriage is not an agreement that you can break easily.
If you cannot follow through on a problem, then you are doing things incorrectly.
A couple may be fighting over a decision or a matter of principle.
A couple needs to work through issues.
An issue can lead to a fight if the couple is unwilling to follow through.
The relationship is fragile, so be careful with the things you say.
You should not have to beg a partner to reconsider.
This is not how you make a relationship strong.
You want to save your marriage, but you are scared.
Sometimes when you are in the middle of a fight, you will not know what to do.
You just have to follow your instincts.
If you are scared to follow through, then you are just waiting to getaway.
You can quickly lose the relationship by backing away.
So be very careful and do not put yourself in a situation to backing away.
As you are backing away, you will lose the relationship, and there will be nothing you can do to save it.
If you follow through, you may keep the relationship, but you will still lose the marriage.
You can save the marriage by following through.
If you are scared to follow through, then ask your partner what is causing the conflict.
Ask your partner what is causing the fight (or maybe read this article about fighting for your marriage).
You can not resolve issues without knowing what is causing the problem.
Sometimes it is nothing; sometimes, it is something.
Ask your partner what is causing the issue.
It is always better to know before you take any actions.
If you understand why your partner is causing the fight, you can take action to repair it.
If you can follow through with steps and with a follow-up and actually fix the relationship.
But if you take action, your partner may back away.
It is better to know than to have no idea.
When you see the detail causing the issue, you can then take action to resolve the issue.
Following through does not end fights, but it ensures that you follow through and you follow through correctly.
When you follow through, you may save the relationship, but you will still lose the marriage.
However, when you follow through correctly, you might be able to stop the divorce.
What do you do when you are not happy in your marriage.
Although marriage in trouble is upsetting, it can often be repaired more quickly than you think.
You need all the help you could get, so much!
Here is one small piece of advice to help you and your spouse stop marriage troubles before they begin.
Be the best of friends, and don’t let worries cloud your relationship.
Avoid bringing up any past differences.
If you do, you can be sure that the arguments you have will become arguments about past differences.
They cannot, therefore, be resolved.
The only way to avoid these arguments is to learn to accept what you have in your marriage.
This means that you can not turn back time and not re-hash past arguments.
You have moved on, now, to different times and different husbands and wives.
Therefore, to bring up old differences is a terrible way to keep your marriage unhappy.
You have to move on.
Instead, discuss the positives of your union.
Don’t dwell on the negatives of past relationships.
Let bygones be bygones.
Focus on the positives of your marriage.
Instead of focusing on past differences, try to focus on the positives of your marriage.
To be happy, focus on the positive features.
The best way to do this is to focus on the good traits of your spouse.
If you find faults with your spouse, look instead for the good things that your spouse does.
These good things may seem minor or unnoticeable, but they add up to a great marriage.
Faults are temporary. Positives are forever.
Remember, the faults are temporary; the positives are forever.
They may be small, but they add up to a great marriage.
Communicating efficiently means being able to share your opinions with your spouse clearly.
In a good marriage, the couple can voice their opinions effectively.
Do not get stuck in the past.
Communicate your views clearly.
This is a crucial step in being able to have a happy marriage.
Look at the solution, not the previous history.
Fixing Problems in Marriage – How to Fix the Problems of Marriage
You know that there are only two options to save your marriage.
You can choose to walk away, or you can choose to fight for it (more on trust and marriage and counseling here; click the link).
There is no middle ground.
If you’re asking yourself, do I still want my marriage, the answer is a resounding yes.
You see, chances are you cannot know if your marriage is worth saving if you haven’t put a toe in the water of open waters.
If you have tried and failed to find the water, it is a safe bet that you simply do not know how to swim.
You can’t possibly know how to save your marriage if you haven’t tried.
So, you had better take action right away and do something.
Start exploring beyond the “I’m just not happy in my marriage” thing!
The first thing that you must do is accept that there are significant problems in your marriage.
You can not ignore those problems.
You can not pretend that they do not exist.
In fact, they will only get worse unless you take steps to change the course that you are on.
How do you know when to leave your marriage?
It’s pretty easy. Don’t get married.
That would be a ridiculous thing to do.
The sillier you are, the stupider you get.
Marriage is such a big thing that it is really like trying to treat minor ailments.
If you ignore small infections, they will get much more extensive.
If you try to ignore them, you will end up making things worse. In fact, you end up making them exponentially worse. It is really similar to trying to ignore a fever.
Is it OK to be unhappy in a relationship?
Do you really think that you can pretend that you have never gotten sick?
No, I am not kidding.
You can not pretend that you haven’t gotten sick.
And, you will remain in the sickbed for the rest of your life unless you get treatment.
Treating yourself does not mean giving in to your sickness.
Treating yourself means taking responsibility and choosing to get better. And, it does not mean giving in. It means accepting your fate.
Know this. Whatever it is that is causing your marriage to crumble is a reflection upon you.
But, rather than focusing on what is wrong, treat what is bad as an opportunity to become better.
That is how to save your marriage.
You can not have a marriage that lasts for a lifetime if you do not accept that you have made mistakes.
Yes, mistakes. Do not deny it. You have.
You own them. You own what they represent.
And, you own what they do to you and your marriage.
But, you must accept them, move on and build a better marriage.
How to survive a long, loveless, sexless matrimony.
Suppose you want to have a relationship that lasts for a lifetime.
In that case, you must learn to accept the fact that your relationship did not come out of a crystal clear sky.
It did not come out of a love so pure that no matter what happens, you would not risk it for your beloved.
It did not come out so well-matched that you did not have to think twice when doing the things that your beloved would do.
So, do not expect that things would remain as they are and that your union would remain untouched by the problems that afflict others.
You will have issues too. You already have.
Many people ask, “Is it OK to be unhappy in marriage?” or “How do I tell it doesn’t work?”
It is easy to see when the signs of unhappiness and divorce are there.
But, it is not always easy to fix: that is the thing that you need to understand.
Because there are things you can do and things you cannot do.
You cannot force your beloved to love you again, but you can send the right signals to make them fall for you again.
And, if you understand these things, you will be amazed at the results.
You cannot get control of everything.
But you can take control.
And, if you do, you will be amazed at the results.
And you will have a relationship that will last a lifetime.
And, you will have to learn how to accept and deal with problems in your relationship.
If you go pushing, you will not be surprised when you get pushback.
If you push when you want acceptance, you will get pushback, but if you push when you want approval, you will surprise the other person and make them fall in love with you again.
This is what love is all about.
This is what a relationship is all about.
Understanding the problems
Understanding the problems is the first step to fixing them.
The second step is to send the right message.
The third step is to keep changing yourself.
And, the last step is to make it exciting and keep the other person intrigued (more on this exciting subject in this interesting article).
I encourage you to learn these steps and apply them.
- Acceptance – Some couples have difficulties accepting the fact that they cannot control everything. For some, this attitude makes them push the other person and cause difficulties in the relationship. The other person will be hurt and will start to resent you.
- Send the right message – The other person must understand that you cannot control everything. You must send the other person the right message to convince the other person to stop the problems. The message should not be blaming the other person. The message should be emphasizing the fact that you understand the problem and the other person cannot control everything.
- Know the problem – The other person must understand the problem and realize that you understand the problem and that you are trying to fix the problem. The message must not be to blame the other person for the problems. The message should be emphasized that you understand the problem and that the other person cannot control everything.
- Change yourself – The other person must realize that they are the cause of the problems and must change themselves to change the situation. The message must not be emphasizing the fact that the other person caused the problems. The message should be emphasizing the fact that the other person can change their situation to change the problems.
- Keep the excitement – The other person must realize that they have to keep the excitement. The message must not emphasize that the other person must stop the excitement. The last step to fix the problems is to put the fun back to the relationship.
PS. Please, observe that English is not my first language. If it “sounds” a little bit weird, please, excuse my talent. I hope that my blog post – Who Said You’re Not Happy With Marriage? Wife Changed It All – was helpful.
Thank you for your interest! I hope you’ll read more of my exciting blog posts in this blog. Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in marriage or whatever situation).
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson (I’ve bought the copyright). The beautiful featured image is from Canva; the Instagram quotes are from the Quote Collection; a great thanks to everyone for their work!