If you are complaining that “my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex,” and you know you didn’t do anything wrong yet your ex-lover right now wants to work things out, you should think about this:
Does he deserve it?
Is he worthy of my love?
Are there any risks involved for me taking him back, or he’ll keep doing the same thing after a few weeks?
If you have a cheating boyfriend, and he meant the world to you, and you don’t want to see him heartbroken if you decide it’s over, you’ve got few choices.
Basically, there are only two options for you.
You can take your ex back (even if you meanwhile cheated too) or advise the ex to find another girlfriend or boyfriend.
More on these alternatives in the blog post…
How to Forgive After an Affair with your ex…
Table of Contents
- You find out he had an affair.
- He’s gone.
- You have tried to get over this and continue your life.
- Now he’s back.
- What do you do now?
- What are your options?
- Are these options realistic, or do they include more pain for you?
- Can you live with the feeling that he is the one and you just (re-)dumped him?
You’ll realize that ending the affair is about restoring your self-respect and focusing on why you can’t keep living like this.
1. Take time for yourself.
You’ve found out about the affair. Now you’ve had time to process everything. Now you’re facing the truth that you’re in the middle of a big problem.
It’s time to focus on yourself. Your recovery will only really start when you’ve begun to build your life, your own personal “I,” that is to say, your sense of self-esteem.
And that can happen if you’re stuck in the middle of an affair. It would help if you took some time away from this mess and reality.
Time to step back, reflect, figure out how to move forward. This is one of the most crucial phases of your recovery.
You’ve got to focus on yourself to recover truly.
2. Be accountable.
Take responsibility for what you speak and do. You’re not the one who cheated; you’re not the one who got caught.
Now is the time to ask for forgiveness and to offer your reassurance that you’re sorry if you feel guilty (why should you feel guilty of anything?).
You’re in a fight for your self-respect. Be accountable for being accountable.
3. Avoid taking revenge.
It is never acceptable to keep tormenting your spouse or boyfriend for what they did to you.
No matter how justified you are about it, it is wrong. Now is the time to ask for forgiveness and to show your sincerity with your reassurance.
4. Tell the truth.
Now is the time to show integrity. It’s not fair for your ex to keep bringing it up because it is only humiliating you. Now is the time to stay in perspective.
Look at it this way, your marriage or relationship got better, not worse. The affair is over, the liaison is behind you, and now it’s time to look forward.
It’s tough to forgive, but it’s tougher to keep doing it. It’s tougher to do it again, but ultimately it gets easier and easier every time that you do it.
What to do now?
These are plainly four things you can do to help you through this process. I’m sure you can think of more.
But remember, your healing needs to be handled one emotion at a time.
It is like trying to fix a tire with a chainsaw.
It would be best if you manage your feelings, and only after you’ve done can you move on to the next step.
“If you’re in doubt about your possible fault and wish to know more on what happened with another broken marriage that needed to be fixed, read this blog post.”
The next thing you need to do is to let your ex know that you have moved on.
Let’s call this step number 2.
Let’s now inspect his possible point of view.
I’m guessing that your ex has probably been feeling neglected, abandoned, cheated on, and misunderstood.
Let’s put a stop to that. How do you do this?
By making sure that your relationship is always about you.
By making sure that your relationship is always about building your self-esteem, building your confidence, and telling you how sorry you are for cheating on your ex (if that’s really the case).
It is not enough to apologize.
It would be best if you let your ex know how remorseful you are. You want to let your ex know that you’ve kept this to yourself and that now you’ve decided to tell your ex because you’ve built yourself up.
You need to let your ex know that you’ve always known there was something wrong, but you’ve now come out of the dark. Tell your ex that you’ve now chosen to get out of the shadows.
This step is essential.
If you are not in touch with your self-esteem, you will fall into depression. If you’re in a depressed stage, you won’t be able to see yourself forgiving your ex.
You can get yourself out of the depressed phase, but if you don’t communicate with your self-esteem, you will not be able to forgive your ex, and you will remain in the darkness. This is the next step you need to look at.
The third step you need to take is to take care of yourself.
When you are in the healing stage, you can’t be there for your ex. You have to set time aside for you to care for yourself.
Get a new career. Get a new hobby. Work on yourself. Take time for yourself.
But do it because you want to.
You can do it without your ex being aware of it because you’ve gotten yourself out of depression. The fact is, no matter how hard you try, you’re not cured, and you will always carry the memory of your ex with you, even if you choose not to forgive.
But it’s something that you should be doing anyway. And I’m sure your ex would like for you to do it.
The next step is to forgive and move on.
The only way that you will be able to do this is by forgiving your ex. So forgive him.
But you must follow through on this because you must be able to release the burden that the affair has left behind.
The final step to forgiveness is to work on your self-worth. You’ve got to look in the mirror and decide what you want out of life.
And you have to determine whether you will forgive and be forgiven or whether you’ve just got to move on.
Choosing not to forgive is a choice that you can make, but it’s a cruel choice (more on breaking off an affair here; click the like, and it will open a new window in your existing browser).
Ending Relationships: How to End Your Affair With Nobody Else
I think it would be best now to insert a more extensive quote from a fascinating article I’ve found online.
It’s always a good thing to look online if you need answers to your stringent worries.
Here is the article:
“Your conscience wants to end the affair while your heart finds incredible fulfillment in the illicit relationship. Earlier, you tried ending the affair a few times, but each time your willpower faded, and your emotions drug you back. You felt responsible for your lover; you feared that they would be decimated, get sick, or lose everything if you went away. At times, you feared that if you ended the relationship, your lover would be so distraught that they might destroy you, your reputation, your family, or your finances. “
This situation is not suitable for anybody.
So what do you do?
First of all, if you want to get the relationship to end, you must be open, honest, and genuine to your lover.
Once you decide to get back together, the two of you must be good friends again – without secrets.
Once you are back together, you must communicate openly and honestly, even if it is to the last detail.
This is necessary to make your lover feel secure in you.
Your lover is most likely hurt and distraught because he/she will know that you want to do away with them but refuse to do so because of your conscience.
You must be good to your lover, which means that you must help them with their problems and must do them favors.
It would help if you were not too demanding for your lover to feel neglected and ignored.
Your lover will resent you if you insist on doing all that you should do and would like to do yourself.
If you want to get the affair to end, you must treat it as an affair would be treated.
In fact, you must treat it like it is an affair.
Your conscience knows you must end the relationship and must deal with the emotions that the affair engenders.
Your conscience will advise you to call it quits, to show your lover respect, and to tell them that it is over.
If you’re on the guilty side, just follow the rules…
If you follow the rules, your lover will understand and will forget about the affair quickly.
Your conscience will also remind you to make sure you don’t do anything which could cause another to get in your way.
You must not think your conscience is a friend but a guardian.
You must show courtesy, kindness, consideration, and understanding.
It would be best if you treated it as an enemy but as a friend.
As your conscience is your friend, you should not show it disfavor. Still, you should deal with it kindly, avoiding anything which could be interpreted as a bad will or ill will.
The first step is to break all contact with the other person, which is the first step to ending the affair.
The second step is to take the blame for stopping the relationship.
The third step is to deal with your emotions and the feelings which the affair engenders.
It would help if you forgave yourself, your lover, and your romance.
You should ask yourself whether you can live with yourself and the guilt…
You should ask yourself whether you can live with yourself and the guilt if you ever decide to get back together. If you are sure, then you can let it go.
If you aren’t sure, then you should tell your conscience about the affair. If you think you can and are not sure, you should tell your lover about the relationship.
You should not discuss your feelings with your lover if you are still considering breaking up with them. If you are still thinking, you should keep it quiet and show your lover respect, for they have suffered enough.
And you should never give them false hope because if you make up your mind and continue to disappoint you, you will be giving them hope, which they will struggle to live up to.
If you think you will never be able to forgive yourself or forget the affair, then you should tell your lover, for they have suffered enough.
And if you never tell your lover about the relationship, then you will continue to hurt them every time they come back to you.
How about ending your relationship…
But suppose you decide that you will forgive yourself and end your relationship. In that case, you should show them respect and compassion, for they have suffered enough.
You’ve already understood and prepared yourself that “my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex.”
You should not give them false hope, even if you never contact them again because if you do, you will be giving them hope, which they will struggle to live up to.
And it would help if you did not talk about your feelings with your lover unless you are still considering ending your relationship.
If you decide to forgive yourself, then you should do so.
Show respect, compassion, and commitment.
And if you choose to stay with your lover, then you should show them respect, compassion, and commitment.
If you decide to remain with your lover, you should not be in contact with them unless they have offered to work through the issues, and they should be patient with you, for you have caused them pain.
Suppose you think you are still considering ending your relationship. In that case, you should not talk about your feelings with them unless you have decided to stay with them. If you are still considering, you should not discuss your feelings with them unless you choose to stay with them.
And it would be best if you did not discuss your feelings with your lover unless they have shown you respect, compassion, and patience.
If you decide to stay with your lover, you should support them, for they have put you through so much pain.
It would help if you did whatever they ask you to do to help them get over the affair.
It would help if you did not hold them accountable for the actions of the other person because they are the ones who showed a lack of judgment and maturity by having an affair.
Suppose you are still considering ending your relationship.
If you do not want to remain with your partner, then do not involve yourself with them. In that case, you should be assured that you are not responsible for their actions.
You should avoid going out with them. And you should avoid working with them either. Avoid getting involved with them if you can.
If you decide to stay with your partner, you should make sure that you do everything you can to restore their trust in you and strengthen their commitment. So it would be best if you did not talk to them about your feelings.
And it would be best if you did whatever they ask you to do so that they have no reason to mistrust you again.
My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. Nevertheless, I decide to stay with him…
If you decide to stay with your lover although you might be torn between two things, you should not make excuses for them and should not give them reasons to think that you might do the same again.
And you should respect their wishes and their privacy.
And it would be best if you gave them more attention as a couple (more on these situations if you’re the victim girlfriend here).
Frequently Asked Questions
I know how difficult it is to try to sort out your emotions after a break-up. There are so many factors to consider:
– How you will manage at work.
– How you will cope with the kids.
– How you will move forward in your life.
And the list goes on.
Marriage is an institution that has to work even if some of the people involved are not as in tune with their role as they should be. Your partner has to make sacrifices and fulfill needs that are normal in their life. And sometimes it’s just that your partner has gone through a divorce, or has struggled with addiction, or some other personal issue that has made them do things they regret.
You never thought you would wake up to this happen again in your life. Maybe you never thought that you would wake up next to your ex-boyfriend. And now you wake up next to your ex-boyfriend again. Perhaps you were looking forward to this once. You are currently looking for a way to stop your ex-boyfriend from cheating on you again. You are looking for any way to get him back after years. You are wondering if you can get your ex-boyfriend back after a break-up.
I know precisely what you are feeling right now. I am sure most people who are in this situation feel this way. It is a challenging situation to deal with because you want your boyfriend back. He says he still loves you. The problem is that he is doing this while knowing that there is an issue that he is only using as a way to get back to you.
I know that many people would think it impossible to date someone who’s still in a relationship with his ex. However, nothing makes me stop dating someone who cheats and then forgive him and continue to date him. In fact, I continue to date him, and I’m delighted with my decision. After all, if I can date someone who cheats and be with him for a while, why shouldn’t I date a guy who was in a relationship with someone who cheated.
PS. Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or happiness or mental health, whatever situation; if you are thinking about serious consequences, see a lawyer, please; my advice or words or jokes or whatever couldn’t in any way or form replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; act very wisely, please).
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All rights reserved. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post, ’My Boyfriend Cheated On Me With His Ex. (Is It) My Fault?’. The photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” Wedding, Pregnancy People (1), and Romance by David Watson (I’ve got the copyright).