Did it happen for the first time? No. It happens often. Many girls cry, saying, “My boyfriend cheated on me and wants me back now”…
But how did your relationship evolved into cheating, dishonesty, and infidelity? Cheating doesn’t always signify that a relationship is broken, doomed, buried…
Whatever the reasons might be, it can be challenging for many people to carry on with a relationship after their partner has cheated.
They need to understand that it happened, and sometimes this means living with anxiety that the incident is going to happen again…
How to overcome this?
But first, is it possible to overcome it?
Let’s deal first with some facts…
1. Getting Past an Affair. Get back together motivation…
You may be tempted to get your ex back, especially if you were together for a long time.
This may or may not be the first time you found yourself considering revenge after being cheated on, but it may be the first time you’ve acted on it.
2. Revenge motivation…
You may not have considered getting your ex back after cheating, but you feel the need to get your ex back because you feel cheated.
This motivation may be due to personal conflict or conflict within the relationship or conflict within you.
3. Getting back together motivation…
Sometimes, getting your ex back may be less about getting back together and more about making yourself feel better.
You may have been worried about getting your ex back, and now you feel justified.
You may feel like you have a right to get your ex back because you didn’t make your ex feel any better.
4. Let your ex know you’re sorry…
It’s common for those who are cheating on their significant others to do so to take responsibility for their own troubles.
You may be hoping that your ex will feel sorry for you as if your situation were your fault.
You may believe you have no control over whether you’ll cheat or not.
As an idea, if you’ve had a relationship long enough and you’re in a situation where you may consider cheating or have had an affair, you may want to let your ex know.
You might say: “I know that I’ve put you through a lot and that I’ve caused you pain and worry. I know that I’ve disappointed you and taken any chance that you had that we would work things out. And I know that I’m a damaged person, and I’ve let you down. I regret it. I’ll do anything that I can to make it up to you.”
5. Talk to your ex…
Perhaps you still have some trust left between you and your ex.
You must have a frank conversation with your ex to make it clear that you know of your mistakes, that you regret them, and that you want to move on.
You may feel a little uncomfortable talking about your feelings with your ex, but you should do so anyway.
You may find that your ex responds with reassurance and understanding now, what should I do? should I get a divorce checklist — click the link to read an exciting article — or wait a few more weeks?).
And you should react by affirming your ex’s love and how sorry you are for causing pain.
6. Tell your ex how you feel…
You’re both damaged people.
You both have your own issues to work through.
You’re both human and imperfect.
But the fact that you’re together showing that you’re trying.
And your feelings over the fact that you made a mistake show that you’re aware of that and that you’re trying to work through it.
If you haven’t been able to open up to each other about how you feel, perhaps it’s because there’s some fear associated with that.
But if you could, maybe it would open a channel of communication.
7. Learn what you can about surviving infidelity…
I’m willing to bet that you want to learn how to make your relationship work.
And I have some insights that I hope will help you to do that.
But I additionally know that there will be many things that you’re going to want to know about.
There’s a lot of training and education to be done.
Because even though you’re both aware that this is a severe issue, there’s also a lot of work to do to heal and regain trust.
I would suggest that you also take into account that you’re both trying to live your lives.
This is so important.
Because if this was your only relationship, what’s the point in making all of the time and effort?
Yes, you’re just trying to live your life.
But part of that is also trying to bear infidelity.
So I would suggest that if you can both not just survive in your relationship, but thrive in it, then it’s worth the effort to make all of the reading and all of the training and all of the effort because it’s going to make you a more robust, happier, more capable and resilient couple. And your marriage.
You should consider some of the following.
And I would suggest that you discuss with your spouse and with yourself.
You should also consider whether you really believe that any of it is likely to change anything.
Many of these things are worth pursuing, but many won’t change the fact that you’re having to deal with an affair.
But there’s also often some truth in what you’re doing to make things better.
And to suggest that you’re just putting a band-aid on a bleeding head and heart does a grave injustice to the effort you’re putting into this.
8. The importance of being honest about what is and isn’t working…
You need to be honest about whether or not you’re doing things that will change or prevent the affair.
You also need to be honest about whether or not you’re doing something that will strengthen or weaken your marriage.
9. The importance of rebuilding your trust…
You may need to do this for the sake of your spouse, but also for your own sake.
You may need to ensure that you don’t allow this to happen again and then feel bad when you have to start over.
You may need to do this as you think that you need this for yourself.
Whatever your reasons, you often need to do this because it was broken, and broken trust is one of the most challenging tasks to trust again.
Once you have these things working for you, you can decide what isn’t working for you.
But it’s usually the combination of these things plus some others that will ultimately let you move forward with confidence and grace.
10. It all starts with missing you… ‘My ex-boyfriend wants me back after he cheated,’ wrote one Reddit contributor…
It will take time for your ex to miss you.
Don’t rush things and make them wait.
This may allow you to make up with the person who dumped you (and all this after reasoning on your problem with “my boyfriend cheated on me and wants me back”), and then you’ll both be happy.
However, it will mean losing the momentum that made getting back together possible.
Let your ex know what you need.
It will take time before they understand how much you missed them and how important you think it is for them to come back.
Let them know that you miss them too and that the loss of them hurts.
Tell them that your love for them is strong and that you believe they will come back.
Understand that they may not come back right away.
It’s not because you are not lovable, attractive, or worthy.
Instead, there might be problems that they want to fix at their place.
Do understand the importance of your ex being able to come back since it would make your long break easier to handle (or even changing yourself to save your marriage; read this contribution here by clicking the link).
The person who dumped you may want you to be gone.
This is normal, and it may be a defense mechanism that keeps them from looking at the mirror and facing their responsibilities.
Even though you’re probably the cause of their decision, it may help to let them know that you didn’t make a choice, but you’re willing to wait patiently as they fix it.
Take time to see your ex.
If you do this, you will begin to get a clearer picture of why they took you back.
You will be able to know where you’ve been off track and avoid doing it again.
You may find that they don’t want to talk to you about the break-up, but it’s perfectly OK.
If you avoid this, you risk missing out on new information that might change your understanding of the break-up.
Instead, take your ex out and put them at ease with your presence.
Make them feel comfortable and confident that you’re going to follow through on what you said.
Allow them to feel what they felt.
A breakup can be difficult, but when done correctly, it can be completely understandable.
Often, a person’s friends don’t understand how their life can change so drastically.
In reality, it’s a process that both parties need to go through.
11. You said, “my boyfriend cheated on me and wants me back”…The truth is, not everyone breaks up…
The truth is, you may need to see the world to get a clearer picture of what you want in the future.
The truth is, sometimes, your partner’s actions are not entirely responsible for the break-up.
A break-up is painful and upsetting, and many people don’t want to talk about it even to their closest friends.
The truth is, they want to understand the reasons, but they are reluctant to discuss it with their partners.
The truth is, this can be a delicate process that you alone must navigate.
The truth is, sometimes you must miss out on more information because your heart is demanding more of you and your partner.
12. An ex is often a very private person…
There is no reason to reveal everything to another living being unless you have something to hide.
It’s natural to want to get things off your chest, but be prepared for the following questions.
The truth is, it’s never as simple as asking your partner, “why me?” or “how could you do this?” or “you lied to me… and then you lied to me…”
The truth is, in situations like these, you need to look closely at your relationship (an interesting article, built upon people’s contributions in Reddit is here; click the link and it will open a new window in your pre-existing browser).
The truth is, you may be right in your reasons for wanting to get divorced, but at the same time, you may be missing the point.
The truth is, sometimes you need to look closely at your relationship and ask yourself if it’s still worth saving.
In truth, there are no hard and fast laws about what you should do when your partner cheats.
13. It’s only your situation that matters…
The truth is, what you need to do is take a step back, take a long, laborious look at your relationship, and ask yourself if it’s worth saving.
The first question that you need to ask yourself is if you want to get a divorce.
The truth is, getting a divorce is seldom an easy decision.
The truth is, there are many things that we love about our partners that might seem like a reason to get a divorce.
The truth is, at the end of the day, it will not be your fault that your partner cheated.
The truth is, there are many causes that they may have cheated.
The truth is, at the end of the day, you are the only person that can decide whether your marriage is worth saving.
The truth is, what your partner did is not your fault.
Now, the decision is left to you.
You have the power to decide whether cheating is worth it.
You can choose whether or not you should try to save your relationship.
But ultimately, it will be your decision alone, so please make your own decisions and don’t let anyone else drag you down.
But at the same time, we all know that you are probably feeling terrible and that you wonder about your relationship every day.
That’s why you need to begin working on yourself by giving yourself time to thoroughly understand the complexity of these facts and choose what might be best for you.
14. Do cheaters miss their ex? You need to give yourself time to process what has happened…
You need to allow yourself time to recover.
You need to give yourself time to get over the pain and get yourself up to that emotional baseline that you need to be healthy.
You can’t go back and pretend that nothing has happened.
If you do, then you are setting yourself up to repeat this again and again.
It’s better to have an experience that gives you insight and knowledge about your relationship and then to do some things to take care of yourself afterward.
The next time you interact with your partner, you know what to expect, and you are more effective at it.
Frequently Asked Questions
It doesn’t matter who the other person is or what they did or did not do to you – it is how you react to the news that counts. In my view, if your reaction is a desire to run away from the story, get out of the situation, scream and yell for them to come back, get angry and get a lawyer, it is likely not much more you can do.
When we were breaking up, he never showed his remorse, only his anger, and shame. He kept telling me that he loved me at the time. He made me feel guilty and blamed me for the breakup. But I knew he was cheating; I was there. I saw it with my own eyes. Now he wants me back.
This is by far the single most common question asked by divorced people. It is the question people dread because they don’t want to risk losing their marital privilege of protection of the law. You don’t want to lose this privilege. It is not about money or sex. It is about the privilege of the law to prevent the dissolution of a marriage. You don’t want to have to go to court. You don’t want to have to fight for your marital privilege of protection of the law.
I think you should wait and look for signs he has really changed. All those insecurities and negative thoughts will slowly-slowly eat you apart. Give him a second chance because he communicates with you, but be very, very careful. Did he tell you everything? Was he crying and remorseful? Did you give him an ultimatum?
Your boyfriend cheated on you with his ex. You may feel cheated, but perhaps you still love him. You are hurting. That doesn’t mean he has to want you back. But he needs to be aware of how you feel. You need to understand the depth of feeling that made you want to end the relationship.
Some couples live in a loveless marriage forever. The man never really wants to end the marriage. And she also has given up. But for both of them, it is a very frustrating situation. This is from a true story I’ve read in some magazine: a few weeks before, I was out on a date, and he brought up the divorce. It broke my heart and made me enraged, and I told him I didn’t want the divorce and that I still loved him, and that I would change. Then there was a period of months or years when things seemed pretty good, and he assumed there was no way he could ever change me. But then things started to go serious again. He still brought it up. He still talked about the divorce. It was clear he had given up on ever really getting over me.
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PS. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post, ’My Boyfriend Cheated On Me and Wants Me Back. Should I Agree?’ Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage, whatever situation; sincerely hoping that they are coming back to you soon or maybe never. If you are thinking about serious consequences, please, see a lawyer; my advice or words or jokes or whatever couldn’t in any way replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; please, act wisely).