The only people who should be involved in your marriage reconciliation are you and your marriage mate. Not your friends, not your family.
Processing what went awry and how you can prevent future concerns can help keep your relationship sound after you decide to reconcile.
The decision about whether and when to tell people that you and your spouse are going through the steps to marriage separation reconciliation is very private.
The path to getting back on track as a couple can be a complex one.
To ensure that your marital reconciliation is a victory, here are some thoughts to keep in mind:
How to save your marriage from divorce – marriage reconciliation counseling.
Table of Contents
I remember I have read a very touching editorial on this painful matter. I have written on a notepad sheet a very pertinent question asked by somebody in trouble. Here it is:
“I have started the marriage reconciliation process. But since he hasn’t responded to my suggestions, I can’t see how I will ever reconcile. What do you think? What is the best course of action?”
- You can ask him to discuss it, but you do not want to push. You have all the power when you are facing a marriage that could end. If he is avoiding the topic and getting nowhere, you may want to consider this option.
- Perhaps he is trying to avoid the topic because he has been avoiding your presence and comfort. You may want to make some minor improvements, but he doesn’t want to sit and talk about the specifics of your marriage. That’s fine as long as you don’t make it a habit. It is OK to compliment him or get some small thrill when he mentions your marriage.
- If you have made minor improvements, then no matter his intentions, you may want to accept his assurance that you are still loved. Again, I don’t mean to be mean. I’m just trying to get your attention. I’m hoping that this will be the first of several turns.
- There is never any embarrassment for married couples seeking together professional help to revive and restore their marriage, especially when there are children in the family. Marriage counseling is a great way to voice your concerns about getting back together and seek advice on trusting one another again.
- Marriage counseling is a great way to voice your anxieties about getting back together and seek advice on trusting one another again.
- Your counselor is an unbiased third party who can help you work through any issues in your life you have had in the past and advise you on how to move forward. If both parties are willing, counseling is a great way to stay connected during the process of marital reconciliation.
- Your counselor is an unbiased third party who can support you through any issues you have had in the past and advise you on how to proceed. If both parties are willing, counseling is a great way to stay coherent during the process of marital reconciliation.
Some thoughts. The separation is not going to help your marriage.
The first thing to understand is that the separation is not going to help your marriage.
This is going to put a restraint on any improvements that you see.
The idea is to pave the way for reconciliation, and that is precisely what this is doing. I am trying not to overstate this, but this is a step towards reconciling.
With that said, if you are truly curious about reconciling, then the separation is not likely to help. The two people are too much apart for it to work in the least. The two people are too far apart to be reconciling.
It’s best to move as quickly as possible and then get down to the business of reconciling.
The following was written by my wife to me on our first date. It is a classic! The reason this works is that she is frank.
She is fully aware of the time and effort that it takes to make this work. She knows she will get her answers if she continues on this path. This is the best-case scenario that she could come up with.
“Since you’ve broken up with me, I’ve been feeling pretty low. I’ve been getting depressed and feel like I just want a break from you. I worry that we’re just getting started, and I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with you. I worry that I’m not strong enough to carry this on my own. But you know that doesn’t matter to you because you’ve decided to give up on our marriage. I know that you’re disappointed. But I’m still going to keep going because I want you to know that I can do this on my own. I still love you and feel like I’m worth it to me. And, you’ve given me some good moments that are worth the price of keeping this up.”
I was surprised that she used those strong words…
I was surprised that she used those strong words, “feel like I just want a break from you.” But, she was still correct.
Right now, I was so focused on healing my relationship that I saw only my part. When she said this, I was still in shock that she was going this route.
I’m still pretty shocked that I was willing to take this on. But the last thought that I remember was that I wasn’t about to stop until I was able to show her that I was right.
These are the thoughts that kept me going for the next several months.
I found myself feeling the same emotions that my wife was feeling. And I was in denial that I was right. This was only after my new year that I started to see things for what they really were.
I knew that I wasn’t doing anything productive. I knew that I wasn’t getting anywhere with healing my marriage. But, I was committed, and I wanted to try.
As things begin to change, the next logical step for me is to seek out advice.
I know that I need a Plan B.
I realize that I am not a natural salesman. But, I’ve always been fascinated by it. And, I’ve always been involved in trying to make things work.
It can be hard to see it when you are trying to reconcile something and you haven’t asked for it.
This year, I decided to ask for my wife’s help. I’ve never done this before. I figured that if she could do it, I could do it.
And so I began to tell her that I was curious about how she did it. I’d been thinking about it, and I wondered if maybe she was just better at dealing with the internal distractions than I was.
I never expected her to give me a lot of helpful advice.
I was wondering if she could see past the outward problems. I never expected her actually to give me a lot of helpful advice. I was just hoping that she would have some insight.
I’d never done this before, and it’s never occurred to me that she might actually listen. But I did hear, and I learned a lot.
Today, I realize that I was wrong about the external distractions. It turns out that I am not much of a listener. I was often attempting to talk myself out of feeling things that I was feeling.
I was trying to find an answer that didn’t exist. It turns out that I’m an excellent communicator when I have someone else with me.
I finally had some space that I could honestly listen to.
It wasn’t until I finally had some space that I could honestly listen.
If you are trying to save your marriage by yourself, you need a plan, a ‘how to’management. Read more on this by clicking the link.
I now realize that it was beneficial to have someone there who wouldn’t talk me out of my feelings. It was constructive to have someone there who was not going to interrupt.
It was beneficial to have someone there who wasn’t going to insist that I found an answer when I was just trying to hear and understand what my spouse was trying to say.
This is what is waiting for you if you don’t reconcile: the whole world of online dating.
I have compiled some data and statistics from online sources on the online dating environment (I can’t remember the exact origins where I picked these figures from, but I believe it is not that important. Actually, the reality and the trends are significant here. More on missing a reconciliation process is here and here; click the links, and they will open new tabs in your pre-existing browser).
Among women, the share who have used online dating sites has steadily risen. Nearly one in ten women (9%) have used such sites, compared with 5% in 2013 and 4% in 2012.
Among men, the increase was minor by 1% in 2015 than 2% in 2013, and 2% in 2012. Among millennials aged 18-35, nearly one in ten have used such sites, compared with about one in ten who have not and about one in ten who have not. Among those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, 11% have used these sites, while 9% have not and 8% have not.
Differences across subgroups of online dating site users, including by education.
There are, however, stark differences across subgroups of online dating site users, including by education. Among internet dating site users with a college education, nearly two-thirds (65%) have used one, compared with about one-quarter (24%) of internet dating site users with a high school education or less and 14% of people without a college education.
While almost four in ten (37%) internet dating site users who earn $50,000 or more a year have used one, this rises to 49% among internet dating site users earning $30,000-$49,999 a year.
The primary purpose is meeting people.
As in past surveys, the most common reasons people gave for using an online dating site were wanting to meet people (63%), wanting to find a partner for a relationship (61%), wanting to meet people who share their values (53%), wanting to meet people with similar religious beliefs (50%), and wanting to find a partner for a relationship (48%).
More than four in ten (42%) online dating site users said that they found people who lived near them using an online dating site. About a quarter (26%) said they met people through an online dating site because they were already in a relationship and wanted to make it stronger, and 17% said that they met people for fun.
The other 13% said they met people through an online dating site because they were not compatible.
While most online dating site users (72%) said they had gone online to find a partner for a relationship, slightly fewer than one-quarter (25%) said they went online to find someone who shared their religious beliefs.
Only 16% said they went online for fun.
More than four-in-ten (44%) online dating site users said they went online to meet people who lived nearby. (A third (33%) said they went online to find someone with the same religious beliefs as them, 19% for fun, 11% to meet someone with the same religious beliefs as them, and 11% to meet someone with the same religious beliefs as them.) More than one-third (36%) said they went online to meet people with the same interests, and 14% said they went online to meet people with the same religious beliefs.
The majority of online dating site users (58%) said that the most crucial reason they used an online dating site was to meet people who lived nearby. Twelve percent said it was to meet people with the same religious beliefs, 11% for fun, 9% to meet someone with the same religious beliefs, and 6% to meet someone with the same religious beliefs. Only 3% said they went online to meet someone with the same religious beliefs because they were incompatible.
Online dating site users were asked if they had ever tried an online dating site. About half (51%) said they had tried an online dating site, 35% said they had not tried one, and 21% said they had not tried one but were likely to try one in the future. Online dating site users were more likely than other online dating site users (49% compared with 28%) to say that they used an online dating site because they did not have time to meet people in person (46% compared with 23%).
Nearly two-thirds (65%) of online dating site users said they did most of their communication through emails and chat rooms. In comparison, just over 1 in 5 (22%) said they did most of their communication through live video chat or phone.
Better than marriage reconciliation… Enter chat rooms.
Only 4% of online dating site users said they communicated through only emails and chat rooms.
When using an online dating site, online dating site users are more likely than other online dating site users to say they use the site because they do not have time to meet people in person (73% v 51%), because they are looking for someone with the same religious beliefs as them (61% v 41%), because they do not want to take any chances with their safety (38% v 22%), and because they want to be sure they are compatible before meeting someone (36% v 20%).
Most online dating site users (61%) said they did most of their communication through emails and chat rooms. In comparison, only 4% of online dating site users said they communicated through only live video chat or phone.
Better than marriage reconciliation, isn’t it? More than half (54%) of online dating site users indicated that they mainly communicated by email and chat rooms. In comparison, about 4 in 10 (42%) said they spoke through live video chat or phone.
Online dating site users were also more likely to be divorced or separated.
Online dating site users were also more likely to be divorced or separated than other online dating site users (31% v 19%). When broken down by age, older age groups were more likely to use online dating sites than younger age groups. Older online dating site users were also more likely to have higher education levels and have higher household incomes.
Younger online dating site users were more likely to have less education and live in households earning less than $50,000 annually. There were also gender differences in the types of relationships formed on online dating sites. Male online dating site users were more likely than female users to be divorced or separated (47% v 32%).
They had a higher education level (35% v 22%).
A majority of online dating site users (65%) said they use the site because they do not have time to meet people in person. Some users said they did most of their communication through email and chat rooms. In contrast, 2% said they did most of their communication through live video chat or phone. Online dating site users were also more likely to be divorced or separated than other online dating site users (31% v 19%). When broken down by age, older age groups were more likely to use online dating sites than younger age groups. Older online dating site users were also more likely to have higher education levels and have higher household incomes. Younger online dating site users were more likely to have less education and live in households earning less than $50,000 annually.
Frequently Asked Questions
First of all, you should know that no one can predict how long the reconciliation will take or when it will be complete. You should know that in most cases, it will be a gradual process. For instance, most women prefer to reconcile after 5 to 7 days, while men usually want to reconcile within 1 to 3 weeks.
This is an important question that will help us answer any question that you have about your marriage. This is because we will often have such high hopes that matrimony could be fixed so quickly. Many times we will be very disappointed, disappointed that after such an effort, nothing has changed.
This is a tricky question to answer because you can’t really control the thoughts and actions of another person. But, you can ask God to open your eyes to what is needed to save your marriage.
The reasons why women leave are many, but the reasons why men go are simple. Even if you think that you can talk them out, the reality is that the truth is that you cannot. So stop expecting them to talk to you. If you have been married to a woman for too long or are just a married man and now you see that your wife is no longer the woman you married, the best thing you can do to end your pain is simply leaving.
Well, in a way, there are, but not that many. But, when you look at it, the reason is that they are tough to come by. Here are a few tips to help you fix your marriage now. I mean by this that I highly advise you to read my other blog posts.
Maria
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PS. Please, consider my ‘wise and intelligent’ considerations cum grano salis. They are nothing else than personal opinions. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot, therefore, guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or couple relationship or happiness or mental health, whatever situation). If you are planning some severe consequences, see a lawyer, please; my advice or words or jokes or whatever associations couldn’t in any way or form replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; act very wisely, please.
I hope you have greatly enjoyed reading my blog post, “Marriage Reconciliation. (Happy)& Stable Marital Agreement.” The images are from the “People Collection, People (3) Female (1),” and Romance by David Watson; the Instagram image is from the volume ‘Quotes ‘by the same author (I’ve got the copyright). All rights reserved.
