I couldn’t tell if you should or shouldn’t leave a guy you just found out cheated on you. That is Your Call!
Table of Contents
There are several worries I’ve found online about infidelity. Such as: “My husband is cheating on me; what should I do?” or “My gut feeling seriously tells me my husband cheated on me, but he denies it. How do I find out for sure?” or “I just found out my husband cheated on me. Even more, my husband confessed he cheated on me. Should I leave him?”
Suppose you believe that he isn’t committed to ending his affair.
In that case, you can accept it or not. Only you could decide if this will be a relationship that will be happy for you both or a lifeless one.
In my Questions and Answers Section, I will try to sort out a few wise words for you.
But, as you will see for yourself, it’s terribly hard to formulate valuable advice.
==>> Q&A <<==
My husband has cheated on me multiple times with a co-worker, a friend, and lastly, with a prostitute. What should I do?
This is a complicated question to answer politely. It wouldn’t help anyone for me to tell publicly how many times I’ve heard, “I just found out my husband cheated on me.” The only reason for this is because if we take a step back and look at our marriage from a high altitude, we will see that there are actually very few indicators of success. I don’t hear every day some wife saying, “I just found out my husband cheated on me”. They simply prefer keeping silent about it and dealing with the problem.
My husband told me today that he cheated on me five years ago. Should I forgive him?
One of the issues that I get asked most: after an affair is, “should I forgive him?” What I will tell you is that you will either pardon him or you won’t. Some people will never be able to forgive. For some couples, even after many years, their marriage cannot heal because neither can forgive.
What would your partner do if he found out you were cheating on him?
You can bet there would be a lot of soul searching and lots of tears and tantrums. That is precisely what your husband would do to try to understand why you would do such a thing to him and himself. You’d look like a fool, and he’d get mad at you. And he’d want to know if you are going to be faithful to him in the future.
How could I find out if my husband is cheating on me?
You may have this feeling that your husband is cheating on you, but you’re not really sure. What you need is proof, and you need it now! There are several telltale signs that you need to look for if you want to know if your husband is cheating. I’ll write about these in another article.
What if you find out that your husband lied about his past?
Infidelity plagues many relationships and has been around since long before the internet and cell phones had their beginnings. Some men are like this and will claim to be straight out of high school when they have never left school. When you finally get him to admit to dating women in the city, he is not really committed to you.
Build Your Self-concept – How Do You Take the First Step?
Look at your affair as one of many signals that you’re starting a new chapter in your life.
Don’t dwell on what’s wrong.
Instead, tell yourself that what’s right now isn’t the real problem.
Instead of focusing on the affair, see it as part of a bigger picture of your relationship problems (more on how to make your ex fall in love with you again and miss you here – click the link, and it will open a new window in your browser).
Look at the affair as a signal that you need to get some things fixed or corrected (more on this matter here).
Don’t live in the past.
Start thinking about this new chapter and how to break up and just start building your confidence in it.
And by thinking about it, you’ll give yourself some time to heal and some things to make your self-esteem (more on your ex coming back to you here; click the link and it will open a new window in your pre-existent browser).
Don’t wallow in self-pity.
Self-pity will drain you away.
Instead, ask yourself if self-pity is going to advance your relationship.
If you wallow in self-pity, the self-pity will get you nowhere.
Instead, let your thoughts be your anchor.
Look at your self-concept and ask it to define you.
Self-concept is an easy concept to define.
It’s your ideal ‘you.’
It’s what you see yourself as being.
It’s what you want yourself to be.
If you don’t have a strong self-concept, you’ll start to think of yourself as not very strong. And if you begin to think of yourself as being something less than you are, that will affect how you interact with yourself and other people.
For example, if you start to think of yourself as only what you don’t have, you’ll stop interacting with others because you don’t want them to believe you are weak.
So ask yourself what you want your self-concept to be.
Ask your self-concept to be kind, loving, compassionate, appreciative, etc.
Create a stronger self-concept.
This exercise aims to start seeing yourself as being proud and strong instead of weak and sorry.
So consider how you would like your self-concept to be, and then take small steps to make it come true.
For example, instead of thinking, “I’m sorry I’m not very strong,” start thinking, “I’m proud of my strengths, and I’m appreciative of those strengths.”
Remember, you are the person you want to be.
So just start to make little progress each day towards your goal.
As you make little progress, it will begin to show up in your behavior and your thoughts.
Eventually, you will start to believe your self-concept.
And when you do, you’ll begin to act accordingly.
Accept that other people’s reactions will happen.
In some instances, you might start to feel bad about yourself even if your self-concept isn’t even that.
So try to accept the reactions other people have towards you.
Don’t try to make them stop or change.
Instead, think about why they reacted the way they did.
If it’s because of a trait you possess that makes them lash out at you, then I’m sorry, but you need to improve that trait.
And if it’s because of a feature you don’t possess, you need to enhance that trait.
In reality, this is the hard part because it’s the opposite of what most people want to happen.
They want to deny what is happening. They want to pretend that this other person is “no one” or at least “no one any good.”
However, until you can accept what is happening, you will continue to feel this negative emotion.
And until you can start believing that this other person has the qualities you possess, you will continue to feel insecure.
So the way to get to a better place is to take small steps.
And try to notice when these steps have a positive effect on you.
Make plans for the future and set the tone for your relationship.
Many couples have problems right after the discovery of the affair.
And often, for a long time, so do the relationship (on an exciting development in a relationship where you could possibly claim that “my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex,” read more here; click the link).
But what you have to understand is that you don’t want a “broken relationship” so much as a “sad relationship.”
And if you’re going to fix your relationship, you need to actually make it better, not just pretend that it is.
The key is to have a vision for the future.
Whether it’s about your children or your marriage.
Having a picture of what you want your future to be and what your relationship will look like is critical for you to take action.
Because without this, you might just keep going down this path of just continuing to go through the motions.
To get to a better place, you need to take the first step.
This is an elementary step because it’s the same as any other man or woman in your shoes would take.
It would help if you found the spark of intimacy with your partner.
It would be best if you found the time and the place to be vulnerable.
This is because when you’re too scared to be vulnerable, you’re not really intimate at all.
You’re just avoiding the uncomfortable feeling rather than facing it.
And in the meantime, your partner is going to be doing the same.
Without taking action, you’re just going to be moving through life in fear of being caught.
Taking the first step will bring you one level closer to where you want to be.
Then your relationship will be on the right path to one where you can move forward.
Here’s what you need to do next.
It would help if you started communicating…
It would be best to communicate (more interesting stuff to read here and here; the links will open new windows in your browser).
Now, there are many different levels of communication.
For example, when you’re in an affair, you have no idea what your partner is doing with someone else; your feelings are in a state of flux.
And it’s a bit awkward to be in the same room with each other.
This is the wrong way to communicate.
You need to find ways to talk, and you should let your partner know what you want without expecting them to give it to you.
Now, being vulnerable means being open and honest with your partner.
You need to find the time to be vulnerable.
It’s not every day that you would say, “I just found out my husband cheated on me.”
This means that you tell what you’re feeling and what you want.
Express your desires.
A partner can become shielded if they feel as if they’re giving and you’re taking, but if you can find the time to be vulnerable, then you can move forward.
It would help if you understood that this is the only way you can get what you need.
It’s a commitment.
You should commit to sit down with each other and find ways to communicate so that you can move forward.
You shouldn’t feel pressured or manipulated into this unless you are comfortable with it.
It would be best if you also made a promise to give each other space.
If you don’t have these things at the foundation of your relationship, then you’ll never have that good foundation that’s going to heal your pain.
The key is to find a way that you both can get what you need.
In this way, you’ll both take pride in helping the other person heal, which will ultimately get you what you need.
You will be successful…
Getting Your Cheating Boyfriend Back…
Few things in life feel worse than the nagging suspicion that your husband is cheating on you.
Your womanly radar is ticking…
There are many minor telltale signs that you may be able to spot that will start your womanly radar ticking.
Some of your man’s actions may end up being innocent enough, but at other times, where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire.
Cheating can be in mind only, purely emotional, or physical, or a combination of all three.
Studies show that a lot of men and women do contemplate cheating in some way at some point.
Did you ever hear any friend or co-worker say, “I just found out my husband cheated on me”? And then going on with juicy (or simply useful) details?
Most realize that it is not in their bones but still consider it as a possibility.
So, in some way, how would you begin to know that your man’s actions are not actions of a cheating man?
You could call him on it, but chances are you are not sure that you want to confront him on something that might be an innocent slip-up.
You could look at his behavior, but that’s where doubts begin to arise.
Check his cellphone.
So, you cant call him, but you could do as the girls do and check his cellphone since most men do not wipe their cellphones once they get the phone (sophisticated methods to fix a relationship after trust is broken; click the link and the blog post will open in a new window).
If there’s an exciting number or name on there, you can look at that and see if there’s something you don’t know about or something that he might not want you to know.
You can look at his texts and see what is going on at work.
Are there any work matters that are being kept secret from you?
If there are, you can find out how and when they were discussed.
If there’s anything that is not being communicated, that isn’t good.
Or worse, you can talk to him about that when the time arises or tell him.
Look at his bank accounts.
You can look at his bank accounts, credit card bills and even see how much he has been taking out every day.
Some men are very sneaky about this and don’t want you to see any money going to their mistress.
If there s any of that kind of cash sitting around, you can ask him about it and see what his response is.
If he says it’s nothing, you can confront him about his situation.
You can be sure that any money being taken out of his bank account every day is money that he is spending on someone that he might not want you to know about, but maybe the both of you would.
So, if you are looking to get revenge, just make sure that the money going out each day is for you, and you can see.
How do you deal with a cheating husband? Money involved…
If there is any money going to your future, that can be a problem, and you can confront him about that.
An excellent way to work around that is to do some research on him, and see if he’s friends with someone else, and then confront him about that.
This can be a good solution, as long as you make sure that the money is spent for you and you alone.
You can also talk to his girlfriend and see what type of relationship she has with him.
By the way… During the last months, did you feel any signs that your husband cheated?
How about the last night? Was the love over? Do you believe the affair partner is winning the game?
Remember that a good relationship is based on honesty and trust.
A cheating boyfriend or girlfriend will not do that and will lie to you and make you feel like you are the reason for his bad behavior.
They will often lie to you because they are embarrassed to tell you the truth.
They are embarrassed by how they are making you feel.
So, the best way to deal with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is to make sure that you are the one he is cheating on.
If he is, you will be able to work towards getting him back.
With that said, if you can prove that he is cheating, there is a good chance that he will admit it, but it is going to be up to you whether he will accept your accusations.
More accusations?
The best thing that you can do is make sure that you can make him see that you are right (more on cheating here).
By getting him to know that he will be sending you to a mental hospital with his cheating, you can make him understand that you are the one who is in the right and that you are the one he should be with.
So, that is my opinion; you can read another interesting article of mine here.
The best thing that you can do is prove that you are in the best position.
Your partner is in the worst situation, which will be the most significant deciding factor for staying or going.
Maria
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” Wedding, Pregnancy People (1), and Romance by David Watson (I’ve got the copyright). The featured image is from Canva; the Instagram quotes come from the Quote Collection; a great thanks to everyone for their work! All rights reserved. If you could give me a Twitter share, a Youtube, Instagram, or a Facebook share, it would help a lot; thanks!
PS. Thank you for your interest! I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post entitled I Just Found Out My Husband Cheated On Me. What Should I Do? Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage, whatever situation; sincerely hoping that your husband or wife will not show any signs interpreted as a divorce premonition or an act of nastier revenge. If you think about serious things, please, see a lawyer; my advice couldn’t in any way replace a qualified legal opinion. If your problems focus on cheating, read this fascinating contribution).
