Fighting for my marriage never seemed so difficult. This week was exhausting.
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Could you graduate with a master technique in how to fight for your marriage? I’ve heard many people complaining that “fighting for my marriage became very complicated”. Why shouldn’t it be easy, pleasant, common?
Is this fight hard? Or do people just overcomplicate it?
Let’s try finding it out in this blog post…
As I was saying: “I am fighting for my marriage”. Is there any hope?
If you’re asking yourself if there’s hope for your marriage, to repair a marriage, it means you’re going through many heartaches.
After all, no one asks that about a union that’s full of hand-holding and sweet nothings.
That question only comes up when you’re incredibly hurt and angry, and you’ve been feeling that way for a long time.
How do you know when to let go of a marriage?
However, the fact that you are asking that question shows that you actually know something about it that most people don’t.
If you have figured out a way to overcome all of the hurdles you face, I can tell you that it is possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Before I get started with helping you figure out whether there is hope for your marriage, I need to tell you what I know.
I know that your marriage is worth fighting for.
I know that your spouse is worth saving.
I know that you’re committed to doing what it takes.
That’s why I know that there is hope.
What is the recipe for success?
One of the main reasons many couples seek marriage counseling is a perceived lack of love, affection, or intimacy.
So the first question to ask yourself is, “what is the problem?”
What is the problem that you believe in creating your marriage troubles?
Is it money, fame, or family? Take this opportunity to define precisely what you perceive as the problem.
- Is it a perceived lack of Respect?
- Is there no Compassion in your relationship?
- Support should remain paramount in the family;
- Empathy is a substantial part of love!
- Where there is no Affection, there is no love.
- Intimacy is a powerful bond…
- Openness and Kindness define happiness in the house!
So how do you figure out whether there is hope or not?
First, you must decide what your end goal is.
For example, if your goal is to have a long, happy marriage, then you know that hope isn’t going to be at the top of your list.
You need to decide if you want your union to be happier, more fulfilling or if you want it to stay as-is.
What happens if you determine that your marriage isn’t worth saving?
What does that mean?
What if, instead of having a happy, fulfilling marriage, you are faced with the choice between starting over and starting over in unhappy, unhealthy conditions?
Your spouse may not be quite unhappy, but your marriage may not feel very fulfilling.
I believe that it is possible to be happy and fulfilled in a marriage, but it takes work from both of you.
It is not going to be quick, easy, or painless.
But the good news is that you can be happy and fulfilled without having to settle for unhappy, unfulfilling conditions.
You can be fulfilled and painless.
Many couples fail because they think that saving their marriage is going to be quick, easy, painless, or even a slam dunk.
Marriage is a lot harder than getting pregnant.
It is not a slam dunk, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t doable.
It just means that you have to work at it.
People get married, and they think that it’s over.
They believe that they are done, and they are usually not.
Like with most things, marriage is a work in progress.
It takes work, and you have to invest time, energy, and effort to make it work (read more here to see how it works).
And believe me, if you have spent any amount of time watching television, listening to music, or browsing the internet, then you have quite a bit of work to do to save your marriage.
No one told you that was going to be the case.
Suppose you have tried everything that you can think of to save your marriage, including marriage counseling, and haven’t made any progress.
In that case, it’s time to get more specific and take on a more thorough plan.
But before we get into that, let’s discuss the difference between an unhappy marriage and unhappy marriage (more about trying to save a marriage when only one is fixing it, here; click the link).
Unhappy marriage doesn’t necessarily mean “an unhappy marriage.”
What does that even mean?
What about “lack of attention” or “lack of sex” or “lack of appreciation” or “lack of friendship” – are those all clear signs of being unhappy?
Are all of those signs of being disappointed?
Of course not, but it’s how people choose to interpret those signs.
Because of that, it’s how they feel.
It’s just how you interpret the signals.
What you CANNOT do, though, is tell yourself that you’re happy.
You don’t even have to say it out loud.
If you’re feeling unhappy, then you are, and you are entitled to feel that way.
But telling yourself that you’re happy at the same time isn’t the answer.
It’s too heavy a lift, and it will cause you to miss your targets, and it will take you much longer to get where you want to be.
How do you get a husband that you want to marry?
What does it take?
There are many more ways to get your husband to love you again than you think.
It’s not always easy, but I assure you it is worth it.
Think about how happy you would be if your husband was smitten with you again?
There are too many good men (or women) out there to waste your time on a spouse not invested in you and your marriage.
How to Fight for Your Marriage. How to Be a Good Partner.
It is possible to change your relationship if you are the only one that wants to.
The first thing to do is refuse to make excuses.
Apologize if you ever feel you were wrong.
Stop looking for reasons for what happened.
If you blame someone, blame them directly for what happened.
The worst that can happen is that you might lose the respect of the other person.
But that isn’t what you want (more on improving your marriage and finding better ways to communicate).
You want to lose the love of your partner.
That is not going to happen.
So don’t blame anyone. If you are wrong, say you are wrong.
Don’t try to blame your partner for the fact that you are wrong.
The next thing is to accept the fact that you might be wrong.
And that it’s probably your fault.
Accept that your partner probably made mistakes that caused the conflict.
They probably need some space, and they probably need your help to realize they were wrong (if you are interested, here is another blog post of mine about fixing a relationship after trust has been severely broken; click the link to read).
Now when they know, they were wrong, that’s the time to offer them guidance.
Offer them advice.
It is unlikely that they are really gonna get it.
So provide them support.
It is better than an accusation.
And help is more potent than an attack.
I believe fighting for my marriage would be a noble endeavor.
You were probably wrong when you were saying hurtful things.
You probably weren’t nice to them when you were mad or upset.
You maybe acted in an unkind manner.
But do you really want to lose them over a minor conflict? Do you master the subtle technique of how to fight for your marriage?
Now let’s look at another angle of how to fight for your relationship.
You can learn to be more sociable and meaner.
It will take some tremendous effort, but you can change.
If you want to fix your marriage and keep your partner, you can learn to show your partner that you care.
Your partner can learn to see that you care.
And they will realize that you care.
This is hard, but it is worth it.
I recommend learning how to do this.
“But that will just make matters worse,” you may say.
Let’s consider this.
If you learn to show your partner that you care, you might get a positive reaction from your partner if you do this consistently.
You might get a positive response out of them.
There are downsides to this method, which I will discuss later.
“But that’s selfish. I don’t want anyone to gain advantages over me”, you may say.
I agree. And that is why I recommend getting help from a professional.
How to fight for your marriage alone (almost)…
In the meantime, if you want to save your marriage, the best thing that you can do is to learn to be kind to your partner.
Be considerate.
When they are having a bad day or feeling hurt or frustrated, do be kind to them.
Be patient with them. Do be empathetic.
Show them that you are sympathetic.
How To Maintain Your Self Esteem When Your Marriage Is At Risk
You probably already know that being a good partner consists of more than showing your partner love.
You probably also know that this is a part of love.
People who are self-esteem support those around them (more on cheating boyfriends who want to get back to you here).
The people around them are the ones who should want to be supportive of their wellbeing.
How To Be A Good Partner
Let’s say your spouse says that I didn’t want you to go out with friends because I’ve been hurting.
Your spouse means that people who are hurting are often hurtful to those around them.
They don’t want to hurt, they don’t want to push people away, they don’t want to be negative.
They want to make and keep sure everyone around them is positive and happy.
In a marriage, we want to support each other, but we want to do it positively.
This is a part of how to be a good partner.
Be respectful of others and their opinions, not their actions.
Be supportive, do things together.
It means helping your spouse.
The other person, your spouse, has feelings too.
If you help him get over his hurt, let him know that you understand and that you are there for him in his struggle, then you have made him a better person.
You have to be there for one another. You need to know how to fight for your marriage.
If you are not there for your spouse when he is going through hard times in his life, then you might find yourself being pulled into his pain as well.
This would not be a very fair situation to put yourself in.
This also means being there for one another, in sickness and in health, and in good and bad times.
When you find yourself pulling away from your spouse and saying that you are not the person who will be there for him, you need to find out that you are pulling away from him or her because you are worried about them.
If you are pulling away from your spouse because you are afraid, you need to find out that you are pulling away from your spouse because of an issue or a problem that you know that he or she needs help with (more helpful online advice and tips, here and here).
It means being there for your spouse when he or she is going through it all.
Maria Simmons
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson (I’ve bought the copyright). The featured image is from Canva; the Instagram quotes are from the Quote Collection; a great thanks to everyone for their excellent work!
PS. Please, observe that English is not my first language. If it “sounds” a little bit weird, please, excuse my talent. I hope that my blog post – I’m Fighting For My Marriage. Where to Get Tips on How to Fight For Your Marriage – was helpful.
Thank you for your interest! I hope you’ll read more of my exciting blog posts in this blog. Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in marriage or whatever situation).
