Wondering How to Efficiently Work on Your Marriage? Apply These 5 Secret Techniques To Improve It Fast!
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Did you miss this part in school? When they were lecturing about how to work on your (anyone’s) marriage?
“To nurture and grow a loving relationship, you need to be consistent in expressing your love for your partner. “
Well, if you’ve missed it, you definitely need help.
You will discover a set of tips and tricks that might help in fixing a marriage that is falling apart, in deciding whether to end the relationship or keep it going for the sake of your children.
Which one will be your choice?
You have to feed the passion between you and your loved one.
And you need to be crystal clear about your feelings.
Of course, the real test comes when you have children.
So do not forget that thrill when you get married.
I Want to Change Things About My Marriage, How Can I Make It Better?
“I don’t want to impose on my husband, but I know that this is hard for him and not a good idea. This is becoming less and less a good idea as time goes on, and I can be independent more and more. He doesn’t like this. He complains that he doesn’t want to live with a housewife. He never talks about making me feel like I’m a prisoner in my own home. How can I get him to come to this realization? How do I get him to enjoy my freedom?”
What are the signs of an unhappy marriage?
I am not sure that a husband can agree with you at this point.
You are correct that he does not seem happy about this.
He may be very resistant right now.
But you have some power to change his mind.
You can say that you want to be independent for your family and him as he prefers being with his family.
How this plays out is really up to you.
A suggested script that I’ve seen work is something like:
“I know that it’s difficult for you, but I would really prefer to live separately for now. I don’t want to impose. But if you think this is the best thing for us, then I’m willing to do that. I want to be independent. My goal is to be able to decide what I want to do for myself. And I want to feel that I can live my life without worrying about if my husband is there to support me. So this is not a fitting situation, but it is also not a terrible one either. What it does mean is that we will have to make some changes. So I’m asking that you support me in doing that.”
How to work on your marriage & How to make a marriage last…
In short, to concentrate on…
Here are several essential notes on how to work on your marriage if you’ve decided to keep it.
Make sure the communication is fair, firm, and calm.
Be receptive and open to his needs and suggestions
Make him feel valued and good about himself and his achievements.
Build trust.
Make yourself scarce.
Try to make sure that your husband assumes the issues you want to bring up to prepare for the conversation.
If he doesn’t fully understand, try to make sure he understands as best as you can.
To get him to work with you, you have to make sure that he understands that what he is doing is best for you.
If he understands this for his healthy marriage (maybe he is not the type to run for a relationship coach at once), he is much more likely to work with you.
When you are going through this process, you need to be very clear on who you are and what you are looking to get out of the marriage. Otherwise, you are just pointing fingers without ever addressing the very root of the problem.
- Try to make sure that you make yourself scarce. Sure, you want to get your point across, but there is nothing wrong with keeping yourself very busy during this time.
- Make sure that the communication is fair, firm, and calm. You don’t want your husband to get defensive or to lash out. This is part of the process, and it will help him see who you are and why he fell in love with you. He will be seeing this again and again. In the process, you want to make sure that he gets it, respects you, and wants to be with you.
- Make sure that you also are receptive and open to his needs and opinions. He needs to know that you are still there for him. This will make him realize that you still care about him and want to save your marriage.
- Make sure that you try to make him feel valued and good about himself. He has many worries, and sometimes you need to reassure him that he is still attractive and lovable. Sometimes, we get so upset over some issue that we lose sight of our own self-preservation instincts. You have to remember that no one is perfect.
More Advice For A Willing Spouse.
It’s often said that one of the worst things that can happen to various couples in a relationship is when we don’t take care of ourselves.
But this has a reverse side as well.
It could be the very thing that makes us feel better about ourselves.
And that’s why we often put ourselves in situations that we know aren’t best for us.
And don’t feel like we have our best foot forward.
But if we don’t take care of ourselves, we will come off as less attractive to others.
And this is precisely what I think is happening when we feel uncertain about our own feelings and doubt our own confidence (maybe you should use this opportunity to read this article?).
This is why we have doubts about our own feelings and more connected to our spouse than we are (an interesting article about fixing your marriage alone; another good article is here).
So what can we do about this?
What can we do to make our thoughts more positive and our feelings more positive?
Take care of yourself.
If you’re unsure about your own feelings, then take care of yourself.
If you don’t eat right, then don’t eat.
If you don’t exercise, then don’t exercise.
If you don’t take responsibility for yourself, you will doubt your own feelings, making you feel more disconnected from your spouse (especially if your spouse is into ‘How to fix a broken marriage alone‘ formulas).
Be honest with yourself.
If you’re unsure about your own feelings, then you’ll frequently wonder about the other person.
You may wonder why they are upset and what is the source of their anger.
This will often come off as manipulative, selfish, and suspicious.
Don’t do this!
Instead, try to be honest about the situation and let them know how you are feeling.
This is not a time to be self-centered or suspicious.
Show your spouse your best self.
If you doubt your own feelings, you’ll want to be extra careful about how you present yourself.
You may not realize this, but the other person will often mimic your behavior.
So if you’re feeling negative about yourself, then the other person may mimic the same.
Don’t let this happen.
Instead, try to be the best version of yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be flawless.
Just try to be the best version of yourself (more on the boyfriend who cheated and now wants to come back here).
Take it slowly. Do it in stages.
As you can see, there is a lot to the above, but you want to take it slowly.
You want to do it in stages.
You want to keep things light and funny.
You want to keep him guessing and confused.
You want to allow him to figure out what is happening and make him doubt that everything is going right.
Sometimes, it helps to do some of the above while you are doing the first stages of saving your marriage.
You will want to keep doing them because eventually, you will want to feel that things are turning around, but for now, keep things light and fun.
You are trying to get the marriage back into a good place where you can put the distance behind you.
You want to try new things.
You want to see more of each other.
You want to make your reach an emotion, not a physical thing.
A bit of extra time…
It may take you a bit of extra time to get back to how you were when you first started.
It may take your husband a while to get back to the way that he was when you were.
But once you are back to where you were when you first got together, your job is to see how you can turn back the clock to the way it used to be.
You may want to do this while he’s with you and you are separate.
Or, you may wish to get back to your different ways to take advantage of the time you have between your time and then.
This is totally up to you, but you want to give him the time that he needs.
Because that’s how you are trying to save your marriage when your husband is not there to help you out.
When you are on your own, there’s no one to lean on and no one to tell you what is happening.
This can be very confusing.
Your mind tends to stray a lot when you are alone.
Things may start to become hazy and cloudy.
This is perfectly normal, and it is what you are going through when you’re alone.
But, you have to remember that you need to focus on the right things when you are trying to save your marriage.
It would help if you kept things positive.
You need to focus on the good things that your marriage had going for it.
And you should remind yourself that nothing is more important when trying to save your marriage than your spouse.
This can be very difficult.
Your mind can start to wander to the problems that are beginning to form.
And they begin to seem very intimidating and very real.
You can begin to wonder what has gotten into you, why you’ve become this easy target to throw your lot in with (about husbands putting the blame on the spouse; click the link to read another blog post of mine).
And you can start to wonder if this is what you really want.
Don’t take this personally.
It’s part of going through a separation.
All of your thoughts are going to seem personal.
It’s part of being human.
And you can find yourself doubting yourself and doubting your abilities.
You can find yourself thinking that you’ve become a soft touch to the point where your husband finds it easier to dump you.
It’s natural.
And it’s perfectly normal.
But, in the beginning, it isn’t easy.
It will get easier as your spouse starts to become a lot more receptive.
They’ll become a lot more receptive to what you want.
And you’ll find yourself wanting to work harder to make the marriage work.
You’ll notice the frustration and resentment that you’re feeling will become less and less.
When your spouse is gradually going back to the way they used to be, you will find that you can see the signs you are making progress.
When this happens, you can focus and concentrate on doing the things that can make things better.
When this happens, you will take your spouse’s positive feelings for you more as a sign that things will be okay rather than a sign that something more needs to be done.
As you can see since beginning to work on your marriage, improvement is starting to take place.
You will start to notice that the tension is lessening.
You will start to notice that your spouse isn’t nearly as hostile towards you anymore.
You can start to get a better sense of how much better the marriage can become.
You can begin to notice that you’re not alone at the end of the day.
You can start to give him more of what he has asked for.
When this happens, you feel hopeful that the marriage can once again become what it was when it first started.
You’ll notice that you’ll begin to miss this person.
If you have been taking your spouse for granted, this is not a decision that you should come to light.
You and your spouse share a bond that is deep and unconditional.
You know that your spouse and the marriage are important to you.
That is enough for you.
However, you’ve noticed that the level of your wedlock has dropped and isn’t as intense as it once was.
You will also notice that your spouse seems to be losing interest in you as well.
He or she may be getting into the habit of just spending time with the other people in life.
Don’t despair.
There are things you can do to change this.
The more you focus on making your spouse and your marriage happy, the more the spark will begin to come back into your marriage (about a marriage falling apart; another blog post of mine – click the link)..
And you’ll find that you and your spouse will start to have more fun together again.
Maria Simmons
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson. The featured image comes from Canva; a great thanks to everyone!
PS. Please, observe that English is not my first language. If it “sounds” a little bit weird, please excuse my skills. I sincerely hope that my post – How To Work on Your Marriage. Don’t Hate Yourself Later… – was useful.
Thank you for your interest! I sincerely hope you’ll read more of my blog posts.
