Steps to Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship If You Don’t Know How to Fix a Relationship After Trust Is Broken.
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Do you really know how to fix a relationship after trust is broken? Do you master the necessary steps to rebuilding trust in your relationship? There is nothing harder than learning the skills of how to repair broken trust in a marriage.
Are you willing to learn? Of course, you are as right now you are reading these words.
Well, in this article, without having any special skills to guarantee a happy future in a relationship (I believe nobody could do it; every couple is genuine and complex; the fight to keep that relationship suits that couple, not everybody), I will try to write about some simple tactics to work on improving your relationship, together or alone.
There are no receipts and no marriage gurus.
Just plain common sense, wisdom, friends, and the (lucky) determination to fight for your relationship, for your marriage, and try to fix it, especially after the trust was broken.
Whose fault was it is important but not the decisive factor, in my humble opinion.
How to Repair Your Marriage – You Can Repair Your Marriage
Commonly, you’re wondering how you can save your marriage.
That is what I found myself doing when I felt like my marriage was beyond saving.
I was desperately asking myself, “How do you save your marriage when there are few signs of hope left? How do you save your marriage when you can’t find the words to explain what is happening to you? When you have tried everything, and you still feel hopeless?”
Well, I have some great news.
The most common reason for divorce might be…
The most common reason for a divorce is that the marriage ends because of one spouse’s lack of interest.
And when this is occurring, there is one thing that makes you feel like divorce is the only solution.
That is until you realize that your spouse has not given up hope but is actively looking for ways to make your marriage better.
In other words, it is not that you have given up hope, but that you have not given hope enough time.
Steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship.
The reason for this is that the one thing that you can not give your spouse is time.
So if you put your hope in your spouse’s willingness to change, it won’t happen very soon.
But what you can do is give them time and allow them to take their time and gather their thoughts.
When they have taken their time, then your spouse will be prepared for a positive change.
You can do something right now that will allow you to save your marriage, and that is to take action as soon as you see that your spouse is moving forward with a positive mindset.
Some people say that broken trust can never be regained. Time & positive mindset…
That is, rather than asking your spouse to commit to change that will never happen, you ask to commit to action that has already happened.
To take action, you have to take the initiative.
You have to take the responsibility to ask for a change.
And your spouse has to make the first move actually to start doing the change.
When you ask to start doing something, it’s straightforward for them to refuse.
Because if they do, you have no more reason to ask (more on this topic and on fascinating related ones here; click the link and it will open a new browser window).
But if you then take the initiative to start doing it, they will genuinely appreciate your effort.
And they will want to do this because it is much easier to start than to continue to wait for you to get started (an interesting article is here; worth spending some time with it).
Activities to rebuild trust in a relationship.
When I said “action,” I meant to say “talk.”
Talking is not the same as arguing or complaining.
By “action,” I also meant any action that you take to help your marriage.
Things like starting your arguments with something positive, giving a gift to your spouse, doing something for your spouse that you know they appreciate, etc.
When you make an effort to talk and start taking action, and then talk about it and show that you understand, this will let them know you are on their side and show them you care about their feelings.
Help your relationship!
By caring about your spouse’s feelings, you will want to help the relationship and not hurt it.
You have to show your spouse that you care.
I would suggest you first ask them if they can share why they are disappointed with you.
You can then ask them what could be done to improve things.
When you have this information, then you are ready to go about the task of taking action.
You have to figure out what needs to be done.
You can write out a list of the issues you have and then discuss what is missing in your relationship.
You have to make sure that you spend time talking about the relationship instead of arguing about it.
Often when couples argue, they only focus on the issue at hand.
And if you start talking about what isn’t working, then you are both going to feel ignored and underserved.
I would suggest you start by focusing on the good things and how things are going, and then take the time to listen to what your spouse has to say about the way things are going.
There are so many things you can do to turn this relationship around.
No matter how bad things have gotten, I’m sure you both want your marriage to be happy and flourishing.
By taking the time to understand and caring about your spouse and then taking the time to put effort into changing things, you can turn this relationship around.
I can’t imagine how difficult and disappointing it must be to be hurt and left hanging.
That’s why I’m here writing to you.
If you are willing to listen, listen well, and do what I’m about to tell you, your marriage can be better.
Signs of a Troubled Marriage
At that point, you’re wondering if there’s hope for your marriage.
What you’re really asking is whether there is hope to overcome the anger, hurt, frustration, and resentment affecting you and your relationship.
When you ask that question, you’re not wondering whether there is hope to overcome the everyday obstacles that come with the marriage.
Those are challenges that both of you have come to expect and know about.
And you’re not wondering whether there is hope to overcome the lies that are getting added to your marriage’s long list of issues.
Definitely, you need to act towards some wise steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship.
That list is too extensive for you to track it all down.
Instead, you are asking yourself whether there is hope to overcome the more severe issues affecting the marriage badly.
When you ask that question, you want to know that all the answers are in your marriage.
You don’t want to be reminded that the marriage is ending.
You don’t want to feel that your marriage is ending.
In fact, you want to think that it is possible to overcome all the problems you face.
When you are asking the question “whether there is hope to overcome the anger, hurt, frustration, and resentment that is affecting your marriage,” your mind is filled with hope.
And this is precisely what you need right now.
It would help if you had a strong sense of optimism that everything will be OK.
This is why you need to make sure that you make it clear to your spouse that you are willing to work through the challenges together.
Make it clear to your spouse that although you may be angry and hurt, you are committed to saving your marriage together.
When you ask yourself whether there is hope to overcome the pain and anger affecting your marriage, it’s essential to be careful not to make it worse.
You don’t want to add bitterness and hurt to the list of problems in your marriage.
When you ask yourself whether there is hope to overcome the anger, hurt, frustration, and resentment affecting your bond, you don’t want to add any more issues to the list.
How to fix a relationship after trust is broken; more tips…
Instead, you want to find a way to fix the issues that you are facing.
It’s OK to be angry, hurt, and disappointed.
But you do not want to add the most severe problems to a list that already has a long list of the issues.
You want to take the more accessible, lower-hanging fruit first.
How do you gain someone’s trust back?
The other way to handle this is to find a positive way to get your anger, hurt, and resentment out.
So you don’t say things like “I don’t understand why you are so angry,” and then later you find out that there is a genuine reason that you were angry, hurt, and disappointed.
Save yourself from becoming another statistic.
When you find ways to get your anger, hurt, and frustration out, you can save yourself from becoming another statistic.
You can make a change for the better instead of becoming another statistic.
Get the anger, hurt, and frustration out by talking to your spouse or partner.
Tell them your feelings and listen to what they have to say.
Your spouse or partner will be with you the whole time, so you want to hear them.
When your spouse or partner is talking, ask questions about why that hurts you.
There is a lot to talk about.
This is a process that will happen every day, so there is a lot to talk about.
And it is going to take a lot of talking to get everything back to normal.
And that is all right because that is what will make your marriage more robust and more meaningful.
If you can take the easier path and find a positive way to get your anger, hurt, and frustration out, you don’t have to hold yourself back from enjoying the positives resulting from this.
The truth is that it’s very likely that the outcome is going to be positive.
There’s no other way to think about it.
But you don’t want to overthink it and make the wrong choice.
It’s better to make the correct choice than to go with the wrong one.
If you are dealing with ongoing anger, hurt, and frustration, you may want to try counseling to help get that out.
Or, you could try talking with your spouse or partner about this (or apply this method to fighting for your marriage, if possible).
Don’t take this the wrong way.
It’s only meant to get you both talking with a plan to do things better, as a part of your planning on how to fix a relationship after trust is broken, seriously broken.
And don’t make the wrong choice.
Because if you use the wrong approach, then the best decision is to stay in the marriage and deal with this yourself.
No one wants to live with constant anger.
And if you do, then you may make a decision that will only make the situation worse and not get the outcome you want.
Should You Still Love Your Husband Even After 10 Years of Marriage?
Is there hope for your marriage?
It’s a test of endurance that might determine whether your marriage is ever going to get better.
You have to give your spouse the space he or she needs, and then you need to show how much you care.
This is the time to reveal to your spouse the person you really are, the one who wants to save your marriage’s feelings and relationships (if you are interested in reading more on this matter, check here).
How you express those feelings is the key.
There are many ways to show how much you care, but the first thing you want to remember is that you need to point any person has boundaries.
Boundaries keep you from being pushed around and from having a happy marriage if you haven’t done steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship.
If you have limitations, you can be strong and compassionate in your interactions, and you can protect your marriage’s integrity.
Show your spouse the things you value.
As you show your spouse how much you care, you also need to show your spouse the things you value (more value about trying to fix a marriage alone is here; click the link).
Give your spouse examples of how you might indicate that you love your spouse when you’re at home and not stressed out.
Remember that you don’t always need to prove how much you care for your spouse (an interesting article about various aspects of a relationship is here).
You can show it through your actions.
Give your spouse that feeling that you value them.
Do something nice for your spouse today, even if it’s something as simple as washing the car.
Whatever you can do to make your relationship and marriage better and more robust, do it.
This is a way to show your spouse that you recognize how fragile life can be and recognize the importance of keeping your marriage.
The fact that you are asking this question means you value your marriage and care about it.
This is a way to show your spouse that you recognize the value of your union.
Show appreciation.
You can also tell your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Acknowledging their value to you is a way to show your spouse how much you care.
You can say things like, “I really appreciate you doing house chores with the kids.”
Or, “I’m glad you thought of my needs when you got the kids ready for bed.”
This is a way to show your spouse that you recognize the value and the importance of your relationship.
More steps to rebuilding trust in your relationship…
You can even go a step further and say things to help your marriage last.
Like, “I love you.”
Or, “You’re the best.”
These kinds of statements help a marriage go through thick and thin.
Sometimes, we can get worn down by life.
We don’t feel appreciated.
Or, we don’t feel appreciated when our spouse does something nice for us.
Divorce might be the next step for you.
This can wear down a marriage so badly that divorce is the next step.
When we want to talk about something important, we blow it off.
Our spouse has to remind us to communicate.
This doesn’t help a marriage last.
When you give a compliment, or something you really like, and then talk about something that isn’t so nice, that’s not good for marriage either.
It makes it hard to fix problems when you keep fighting about things that you can’t communicate with each other.
Things will start to get better.
You can thank them for something that they did that was really nice, like, for instance, taking care of the kids.
Or, thank them for something that they didn’t do, like, going to work.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 10 years or 1 year.
Whatever the case may be, telling your spouse that you value them will make them feel appreciated and happy and feel important to you.
This is a way to show that you care.
Another way to show that you care is by doing it when they aren’t around.
When they aren’t in the house, then don’t bother.
Don’t be on your back all the time, telling them how much you love them.
The key here is to be a good spouse and not disclose to them constantly that you love them.
When they are not around, do the little things that you know they like.
This will make them see that you do care.
Don’t forget, they may have been married for 10 years, and if they still go to the same church and have the same habits, it still goes both ways.
Show that you care!
You still care, even if you’ve been married for 10 years.
You will be happy in your marriage, even if you’ve been married for 10 years.
That’s not true for everyone, but it’s definitely true for many (when and how – you might find it out reading about fighting for your marriage or letting go; click the link to read more).
The question is, “What are you doing to save your marriage?”
Maria Simmons
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson. The featured image comes from Canva; the Instagram quotes are from the Quote Collection by the same author; a great thanks to everyone for their excellent work!
PS. Please, observe that English is not my first language. If it “sounds” a little bit weird, please excuse my skills. I sincerely hope that my blog post – How to Fix a Relationship after Trust Is Broken (Rebuilding) – was helpful.
Thank you for your interest! I hope you’ll read more of my exciting blog posts in this blog.
