Are you tormented by this question — How to fix my marriage after cheating? –after some inconsiderate marriage infidelity? Do you want to know how to fix it?
First, think about what lead up to the cheating and how it was in the moments your partner was not home.
Suppose he is having a long-time affair with another woman and refuses to cut contact with her. In that case, he may be planning to continue the affair until he decides if to stay married to you or not.
In other words, he desires to have his cake and eat it too. This situation may require an ultimatum unless you are willing to allow your husband both a wife and a girlfriend.
In other words, you will need to be ready to have your spouse cheat on you while holding on to the hope that he will cut his ties with the other woman at some point.
At this time, it would not make sense to ask him to do what is best for you and your family.
My partner doesn’t want me after he cheated.
The timing is wrong. It is never wise to start negotiating terms of an “emotional affair” with someone in an emotionally attached relationship with your husband.
Allowing him to continue in this fashion may make it easier for him to cheat on you, or it may require a prolonged affair.
It is not something you can control. The fact is, it is his choice.
When you are ready to negotiate terms of an “emotional affair,” it is vital that you understand why he has chosen this course of action.
This might be painful.
This may be painful, but you must understand his thought process before making decisions about your relationship. It will be counterproductive to ask him why.
You can get no accurate information about this until you understand the thought process.
You may not be ready to answer these questions at this time, but in time, you will be. The process of asking questions begins with taking control of the process.
Take control of the process of asking him why he had an “emotional affair.”
How to fix my marriage after cheating? How do I take control of the process?
Step one is to stop asking him why. When you ask him why he did what he did, he will not give you a valid reason. He will probably tell you it was because you are controlling and manipulative.
You can not possibly believe that, can you?
He will probably say he did it because of his insecurities. He will tell you that you expect him to be perfect or you to fall in love with you all of the time, and he can not do either of these things.
He will probably tell you he is not being unfaithful because he has no feelings for you or because he is afraid of getting caught. How are you supposed to take these answers?
Why did he do it to himself?
Step two is to stop comparing yourself to him. If you ask him why he cheated or had an “emotional affair,” the chances are that you are doing it for your self-interest.
Suppose you are comparing yourself to your husband, and you are doing it for your self-interest. In that case, you are doing it because you are trying to find fault in yourself and justify your own actions.
How about the situation when you’ve got no proof? You really think that your boyfriend is cheating, but you’ve got no material proof regarding this cheating. Well, click the link to read some fascinating stuff.
If you are doing it for your self-interest, you are likely trying to justify your behavior. If you are trying to find fault in your husband and defend yourself, you presumably justify his behavior.
If you are protecting yourself, you are looking at the problem from your own perspective. This will lead you to seek out a reason for his behavior that is not yours.
Step 3 is to accept the reality of your situation. You are married to a man who has a long history of cheating, an “emo” personality, and selfish tendencies.
Yes, he will probably be trying to apologize. Yes, he may be feeling guilt. Yes, he may want to make it up to you. Yes, he may want to save your marriage.
But none of these things mean that he is a saint. None of these things mean that you are perfect either.
You do not need to compare yourself to him because you will never be perfect. You are married to a human being who makes mistakes and who makes apologies.
And you are going to have to accept these as part of the reality of your situation.
Finally, it would help if you accepted that your reality is his reality too. Many people come to this website looking for someone to give them advice. I am not saying that this is not helpful.
Still, I am saying that it is not beneficial to take someone else’s perspective on this situation. You have to take your reality into account, which will lead to your own decisions and your own emotions. And you can not change this until you do not try to.
You can not change what is happening to you or your feelings until you let them guide your decisions and actions.
Your job now is to take this reality and to react to it as best as you can. I know that this might seem impossible. I understand that this might seem that you are acting like an awful teenager who is still grieving after their first boyfriend or first lover.
But this is what is happening. You have to learn to react to these things as if they were a movie that you have to sit through before moving on with your life.
You have to watch your character as you move through it, evaluate it, and act on it in a way that builds your character.
What would this look like? A story…
“I feel so angry when he talks to her like that and then acts as he wants her. I have never had a boyfriend act like that before. I am so frustrated. I want him to want me. He needs to want me. He should want me, but he doesn’t. I feel like I am a fraud because he should want me, and he doesn’t.”
“He never wants to hold my hand when we are out. He acts like I don’t exist. He acts like I’m a distraction. I want him to want me, but he doesn’t. I am in my own story.”
These things are not helpful in the way you have chosen.
It’s okay to feel these things, but they are not helpful in the way you want them to be. They are valuable only if you understand what they are telling you to make sure that you react to them as best as you can.
And you have to respond in a way that supports your own story.
The anger isn’t a valid reaction.
You can’t live this way forever. If you don’t like being this way, you have to change it. And you have to take control.
A friend said she would start to cry every time she saw me doing poorly in a game. I would start to cry every time I lost.
It was almost as if I was learning to hate myself.
Of course, I am the only one who can say these things. But I am the only one who can make them happen.
Do you believe that your husband truly wants you?
Do you think that he wants to save your marriage? If you don’t believe this, then you must change these feelings. It would be best if you made yourself attractive and popular again.
It would help if you believed that he is attracted to you and wants you so much that he is willing to take whatever necessary actions to support you.
When you genuinely believe this, you will not need to worry about feeling like a failure or the opposite of attractive. You will feel confident and beautiful again.
Another shortlist of options to think about before you take a step back are as follows:
Let him live with her and break off all communications with him or her.
This is an option often taken by husbands who are having a lengthy affair with someone else. When taking this course of action, it is vital to ensure that you understand the details of the relationship and your husband’s role in it.
This will enable you to be clear about your expectations and ensure that you are clear about the consequences should they be crossed.
Break off all contacts with him or her.
This is a less drastic course of action and can be a good option in some circumstances. However, the most critical issue here is to make clear your expectations.
If he cannot communicate his needs to you and is still fulfilling them with someone else, then there is a risk that they will continue to do so.
You may therefore have to be clear about the consequences of continuing on this track.
Confront him about his relationship with her.
This is the most crucial course of action, by far, to take in this situation. If he does not get involved with her and be open with you, she will surprise him, and he will be vulnerable to her advances.
When you confront him, he will be much more open, and this is a good sign that he is ready to come back and be committed to you.
It can sometimes help if you let him know that you are keen to try this course of action.
Still, he often does not want to let go of his relationship with her, so it will help to tell him that you will not consider it until he lets go of his relationship with her.
He might be resistant or not to reconciliation.
If he believes that he can live with it and do what he wants without letting go of his relationship with her, this is a good course of action.
On the other hand, if he believes that it is too much for him to let go of, he might be resistant to reconciliation.
This is why it is essential to discuss this openly with him.
He has to believe that he does not have anything to lose if you do not take this course of action, whereas if you do, he has to let go of her and be transparent with you.
If he believes that he will lose you if he lets go of his relationship with her, he might be reluctant to do so.
Percentage of relationships that work after cheating.
Suppose you do decide to take this course of action. In that case, it is essential to know that there is nothing special or unique about you that will prevent him from letting go of his relationship with her.
Men often will continue their relationship with her even if they are in a committed relationship, so it is no guarantee that your course of action will work.
However, there is a risk if you choose to do nothing and face the consequences. Your life will change, but your future is still uncertain. I am not sure if I would want to have that experience.
On the flip side, if you decide that you want to let go of her, then the reality is that you need to know how to do this. You need to know what to do to help you get her to come to you and decide to let go.
I will discuss what is painful, but it is essential to know that you need to go through this process. If you don’t, you will always wonder, “What if.”
How to fix a relationship after cheating and lying? Recovering from infidelity.
There will be situations where she will want to continue the relationship with him, even though she is married.
This occurs more often than you might think. But, the good news is that you can still find a way to make your life better even if she does continue with him.
She will often see that you really are committed to him or her if you are with him or her (you might find some valuable stuff here; click the link, and it will open a new tab in your browser on this fascinating query on how to fix my marriage after cheating).
The fact that you are having this experience means that you value your marriage. This means that you still love him or her.
That means that you are willing to continue the commitment, even though she continues to be married. That is a big deal.
She wants to continue with him because she doesn’t see you as her first priority.
This is not necessarily a deal-breaker. The truth is that you can love both of them and still decide that it is in your best interest to make a choice.
It takes a lot of strength to carry that out. Women who carry on with their husbands repeatedly demonstrate that they are not willing to give up the one relationship they have always had.
How do I fix my relationship after emotional cheating?
I know that after you caught your wife in this trap, she seemed to want to walk away and leave you, but she couldn’t. It was just too hard.
But she didn’t want you to feel sorry for her because she thought you were trying to make her out to be something she was not.
What was the critical factor that made her give up the one relationship that she had always had?
Was it the money? The children? The kids that she was not ready to give up? Because in the end, this was not a one-night stand.
This was a long-term affair that started when she was still married, and it didn’t end with her getting a divorce. It ended when she was no longer married. It is possible for her to love both you and her husband even after she has an affair.
The thing is that she loves you. But her heart has been broken. She has been hurt. She has been deceived. She now has the burden of being punished for what she did. And she might have problems with trust. It is hard for her to justify the betrayal (hence the problem of how to fix my marriage after cheating). So, in this regard, she may be more amenable to forgiveness than she was before.
You might have a better opportunity to win her trust if you don’t emphasize the hurt and humiliation (you might find some precious information here; simply click the link, at it will open a new tab in your browser). You don’t want to paint her as a heartless monster who has no feeling at all.
But you want to paint her as someone who is still a decent person who made a mistake and is trying very hard to make things up to you. So, the focus isn’t always on what is wrong or how she must be punished. The focus should be on how you two will make this up to each other so that you aren’t both still feeling the pain from what she did.
Can you fix a marriage after both people have cheated?
This way, she is more willing to be open with you about what is going on in her life and why she might be avoiding you.
Also, know that it can take quite a while for her to forgive her cheating spouse. And, you have to consider this when you try to convince her that you can make this up to her. You can’t rush this process. It would help if you didn’t try to get her to forgive her immediately and expect her to feel the same about you.
Because if she thinks that you are only paying lip service to forgiveness and that you don’t care enough, then she may not feel the same about you as she did before. You shouldn’t expect it to happen immediately.
Yes, people cheat often. Yes, infidelity towards your partner is a fact (and therefore your question of how to fix my marriage after cheating is useful). Yes, it would be best if you listened to the partner need. Yes, you need to mend your relationship together. A healthy relationship should always react with a healthy healing process to couples therapy, moving forward in the marriage counseling initiated by a good class family therapist.
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PS. Please, consider my ‘wise and intelligent’ considerations cum grano salis. They are nothing else than personal opinions. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot, therefore, guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or couple relationship or happiness or mental health, whatever situation). If you are planning some severe consequences, see a lawyer, please; my advice or words or jokes or whatever associations couldn’t in any way or form replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; act very wisely, please.
I hope you have greatly enjoyed reading my blog post, “How To Fix My Marriage After Cheating. (Rebuild) Couple.” The images are from the “People Collection, People (3) Female (1),” and Romance by David Watson; the Instagram image is from the volume ‘Quotes ‘by the same author (I’ve got the copyright). All rights reserved.