Is your marriage falling apart? How do you fix a marriage that is falling apart?
Do you simply sit and watch how everyday things slowly grow into unsolvable problems?
Or should you start browsing the internet searching for a patch-up solution to the fragile situation when your union is falling apart?
Do you believe that marriage is just a piece of paper that hangs on the bedroom’s wall? Or do you think that marriage is a mystical union of two souls, and it is you and your spouse that should make it work?
In this article, I am trying to sort out several ways to approach these tense, difficult moments.
Sometimes you are dealing with the consequences of an affair; sometimes, there is simply a fundamental lack of marital communication.
It would be much more complicated if there were a problem with your love and primordial romance…
How to stay strong when your marriage is falling apart. Several necessary steps.
Table of Contents
Did your spouse have a reason to break your trust? It could have been anything.
Maybe they were upset that you had mentioned a specific purchase or felt that you had changed their minds about something.
Or perhaps you shared a secret with them, and they thought that it was a lie.
Whatever the reason, having a partner who breaks your trust could signify that your marriage is in trouble.
Why?
I believe that the lack of trust can have an effect on your marriage.
It can make you feel hurt, lonely, and betrayed. If you let your partner act on this feeling, then you are in trouble. If your spouse tells you that you have hurt them, it could mean a lack of trust in your marriage. It is instinctive for you to feel hurt, and it is natural for you to be lonely.
They feel that you are not there for them.
In addition, it could be that they feel that you are not there for them.
Many times when marriages are in trouble, one spouse is there for the other.
The stress of the relationship, or life, is often taken from the other spouse. This is normal, and it is not a reason to feel abandoned.
You suspect that you are deceiving your spouse; your 20-year marriage falling apart.
A better reason to feel betrayed is if you suspect that you are deceiving your spouse.
You may have done this to yourself or to your spouse. I believe that you may not have been truthful with yourself about this. It is natural to doubt yourself.
In the same way, it is natural to be less accurate with your spouse.
Your spouse might suspect that you have been lying about specific things that you have told them.
If you have done this, and it causes your spouse to feel betrayed, this can be a sign of problems in your marriage. This is not the end, but it is a sign of things to come.
List of steps that you can take if you sense the relationship falling apart.
I have provided a list of steps that you can take. Do each of these steps and then wait for the changes to occur. These are not hard and fast rules. However, you should have a chance to do them before you try the next step.
- Forgive and forget. Forgive the times that you hurt your spouse’s feelings and forget the other times. Do not dwell on the past. You are in the present, and you have made commitments to your spouse that go beyond the time that you spend together. Let go of the past. Focus on the present and focus on strengthening your relationship.
- Avoid accusations. Do not attack your spouse with allegations. You may be tempted to start with the easy targets. But these will hurt your spouse. Avoid these attacks and stick to things that are not personal. Do not attempt to win an argument. This will only drive your spouse further away. Instead, stick to something that you can discuss and agree on.
- Listen when your spouse talks. This means that you do not interrupt them. Stay in the conversation where you belong. As they speak, listen silently with them. This is a sign of love. It is a sign of respect. It is a sign of understanding. It is a sign of their worth. Do this for a little while and ask questions if you feel it needs more information.
If you face the extremely hard choice between repair a marriage and waste your last chance to bliss, read this article of mine. It could improve immensely your relationship, I think.
- Be willing to make compromises. You may be tempted to stick to what you think is right. However, this will cause more arguments. Instead, be ready to make changes to appease your spouse. Remember, your spouse is not your enemy. Your spouse is your partner, and your marriage is a give-and-take relationship. Do not be afraid to compromise.
- Show your spouse that you respect them. This is not the time to go on and on about your spouse’s flaws. Instead, listen when your spouse tells you about the things that annoy them. Do not go on and on about your spouse’s positive attributes. This will only confuse your spouse and make them think that you are criticizing them. Be willing to change the things that are hurting your spouse. It may mean getting up and moving to a different chair. This may mean eating their food some nights. Let your spouse know in his or her own words that you are listening. This will help them to feel better about the relationship.
- Stay positive. How do you fix a marriage that is falling apart? Most people are just trying to survive the day, which means they become pessimistic. The less positive you are, the more likely you are to drift toward an unhappy marriage. You must remind yourself that it takes two to tango. You and your partner are responsible for the happiness of the union. If you and your partner cant work things together, then look to someone else.
- Keep your emotions under control. Keep your emotions in check. If you become angry, frustrated, hurt, or anxious, you will only create more drama. When drama is present, it draws the attention away from what you want to communicate. This is especially accurate if you’re going to share it with your partner. Instead, you should speak with yourself. Take a step back, and give a calm and rational response. Focus on the message you want to send. This gives the other person time to calm down, as well.
- Stay connected with your partner. You must stay connected with your partner. This is a crucial aspect of an unhappy marriage. If you start to disconnect, this will also cause your partner to go through the same thing. Instead of getting frustrated, they may go into the same state. Stay connected, and try to share a happy moment with them. There is nothing wrong with doing this, but try to avoid mentioning the problems affecting the marriage.
- Keep the fun in your marriage. Another part of an unhappy marriage is the lack of fun in the relationship. This means that you are keeping the passion and fire in the marriage. Instead of making everything fun, do something, like going to the movies and just having a good time together.
Not a problem? Well, there is a problem. If you spend money on the movie ticket, and someone says the movie wasn’t worth the money, the tension, and anger will build up. If this happens often, then maybe you should go see a film that everyone else is going to. If the problems keep coming up, then don’t have fun together.
Do something, anything, to bring joy back into your marriage, and your marriage will soon be more fun than before.
There are many ways to make your spouse love you.
It is not all about the physical aspects. But it is all about feelings.
As long as we live in a physical world, we need to make it a physical relationship.
As we keep thinking in the realm of emotions, we cannot help keep things in perspective. It is about our perceptions and thoughts.
If your spouse does something that you might find annoying, show that you care by changing how you look at it.
How to pray when your marriage is falling apart. A good answer will bring you closer together.
It is a good thing to recognize that we are all capable of being wrong.
Knowing that one could be wrong about some things is right about other things is good.
That would not be a good thing for the relationship.
Warning signs of a marriage falling apart. Can you really save it?
You’re no longer happy or fulfilled. You’re no longer at peace.
You’re not experiencing the magic that you were when you were open and honest with your spouse.
1. Recognize that affairs are an expression of unhappiness and not a reflection of your spouse.
It is not your fault that your spouse or spouses were experiencing sorrow.
Neither are you.
There’s no reason for you to experience despair as well.
Find what you’re lacking, take steps to get it, and be happy with the result.
2. Be proud of yourself.
It is really a matter of pride. Be a kind and thoughtful person who really appreciates others and is genuinely grateful for the good things he gets.
It truly is an act of love to give and receive. It’s not selfish to do what is best for yourself.
Suppose you love your spouse and you want to continue the marriage. In that case, it truly is an act of love to offer your love and acceptance to others and to continue loving and accepting yourself.
If you don’t love your spouse, you’re no longer indeed family.
3. To fix and save your relationship, be honest with your spouse.
You owe that to yourself.
You don’t want to lie to him or to her.
You may be outraged and disappointed with him or her, but you must find the integrity to tell him or her the truth, even if you’re ashamed of what you’ve done and ashamed of how you’ve handled things.
Remember, you have violated a basic human need, and that is being loved, accepted, and supported.
4. Reevaluate your marriage.
There are many ways to reevaluate. Don’t let the bad times define your marriage.
Look for ways in which your marriage can be improved and strengthen it from the inside out.
This will mean giving yourself some time away from the union.
You must have time to grieve and heal and to start to invest in the marriage as you want it to be.
If you feel the need to read more interesting stuff on various signs that your marriage is over, simply follow this link to read another blog post of mine; it could help you immensely…
You must have time away from the conjugality to find the balance between your life and the marriage and figure out what is truly important to you.
You may have to make some changes that don’t include your spouse. These changes can be modest but significant. You can’t give your marriage the best chance to heal if you don’t get time away from it.
5. Give your spouse a little time to heal too.
You can’t expect him or her to give up the other woman or man and the affair if you don’t take some time away from yourself. Give him or her that time. Let your spouse or companion come to his or her own time, even if he’s had years to prepare himself.
If you have, give yourself the time you need.
Your actions may need time to come to a natural balance. You may have to look at your actions and change them if they are hurting the marriage.
Give yourself the time you need to find your way again. If you feel you’re not ready to give your spouse that time, don’t do it.
6. How to salvage a relationship that’s falling apart: take responsibility for your part.
You may not have been present, or you may have been inactive during the good times and the times that were good for the marriage.
You may have made the major decisions, but you may also have not made the major decisions.
You have to take responsibility for your share.
You have to be a good partner, and you have to work at the marriage and with yourself.
You have to explain to your spouse that you can be patient and willing to listen, accept, and make changes. You may have to apologize for what you did and acknowledge what he has done and then show him the work that has been done to prevent it from happening again.
He or she may need some space to accept what you’ve done and look retrospectively and identify what he/she has done wrong.
You may need to make changes to show your spouse that you’re willing to work on the marriage and make changes.
You might need to see some self-awareness and self-awareness of the other person’s needs and acknowledge the pain your actions caused.
How do you fix a marriage that is falling apart?
All of these things can help your spouse to heal.
And suppose you’re showing patience and perseverance. In that case, this will make you a better person and will also help make the marriage better.
In the end, you’re probably going to want to end the affair, and you’re going to want to save the union.
The difference is that you’re probably going to want to keep the marriage in a way that feels good and that works for both of you.
In the end, it will be up to you to evaluate whether the marriage is better than the affair.
Do you believe that it is? Then you’ll want to save it with your spouse (more on this tricky matter for anyone here and here and here; click the links).
Frequently Asked Questions
This is a natural part of life. But if you want to save a marriage that is going down, you must be quick and get help now. If you absolutely want to know how to save your marriage from divorce, I highly recommend that you find some alone time. Without getting too philosophical, there are some things that we are just better at doing than listening. There are some things that we are better at doing than talking. Sometimes we are better at doing than doing. Don’t try to do and we’ll fail. Try to do, and we’ll succeed.
If he refuses to discuss it, the best course of action would be to accept his silence and move on. If he wants a separation, then I think this is just an attempt to avoid the uncomfortable subject of your marriage. If he claims to still love you and wants to reconcile, this could indicate that he still has some doubts and that this is only a temporary behavior.
I understand that it’s my job to keep my personal feelings and let the professionals handle the business. But after the tricky moments, when we still love one another and are bonded by our marriage bond, I think it is the family’s job to find a solution and avoid these topics. If there was no marriage, then I would try to find a solution. But since there was a marriage, I don’t think that there is a solution. So I will just try to find a solution and move forward.
Let me tell you a story that might help you immensely. “After months of being in a relationship with this man, I finally decided to separate. I wanted to break up. I knew he wasn’t who I wanted him to be, and I felt that our connection was slowly withering away. He felt the same. We argued and argued. We never truly connected, but I couldn’t figure out what else to do. So I made the choice that I wanted to separate.
As the months went by, I realized that I hadn’t thought things through. In the beginning, I had acted on impulse, but I had really believed that this was what I wanted. It was only later, as the months went by, that I realized that I wasn’t ready to end this relationship. The connection was there, but I wanted more. I kept thinking that maybe he would change, but that never happened. Eventually, I told him that I didn’t want to separate but felt that our connection wasn’t strong enough. He was confused and didn’t know how to respond. I felt as if I had laid everything out on the table, but he didn’t seem interested in changing. So I agreed to a separation.
But eventually, the confusion started to creep in. One day, I woke up and didn’t recognize the person who was seeing their spouse. This continued for a few days. Eventually, he asked me if I had thoughts about our marriage. I told him that I had my doubts that our marriage was still here. He seemed confused and said that he didn’t see our marriage as something that could end. I asked him if he thought that we were still in love, and he repeated that he didn’t see our marriage as over. He seemed unclear on what I was getting at. Then I asked him if he thought that we were happier without one another, and he seemed clear that he didn’t see how we were elsewhere.”
Don’t give up. There are many ways to keep the spark alive and make your relationship fun, and I suggest you read more about those ways to rekindle the romance. It can be done, and more than likely, both of you will be happier than you were before.
Keep the romance alive. Romance is like a flame. If you don’t have the romance, there is a massive danger of the fire not being fed. However, if you feed the love and feed it regularly, then your relationship will be astounding. You know, the relationship that was fun when you were dating. You may have fun dates as well. Just keep the flame alive.
Spend time together. The best way to keep things fun is to go out with your partner, do fun things together. If you are too tired after a lengthy day, just spend some time together. Go to the movies or to dinner, or to the mall or wherever you like to go. If you have issues, bring them up and talk things out.
Do things that you enjoy. Don’t ever get discouraged because you have issues to deal with. Most problems will resolve themselves if you put in the effort to handle them. If your partner is having issues, do you also have issues? If not, then try to have fun together. Do things together and enjoy your time together. Most of the fun things you do together will have issues, but it is fun to do them together.
Maria
Disclaimers. The featured image is from Pixabay, featured in Canva; a great thanks to everyone for their excellent work! If you could give me some Twitter share, a Youtube, Instagram, or a Facebook share or other social media and communication, it would help a lot! The affiliate disclosure is on the disclaimer page.
PS. Please, consider my ‘wise’ considerations cum grano salis and as a personal opinion, nothing else. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot, therefore, guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or happiness or mental health, whatever situation; if you are thinking about serious consequences, see a lawyer, please; my advice or words or jokes or whatever couldn’t in any way or form replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; please, act very wisely, please). Is your marriage falling due to the lack of an emotional connection and to poor communication? Replace poor communication with effective communication before stepping to the hard work of getting a marriage counselor for your supposedly failing marriage. Maybe, in the first place, you should spend more time together, not just jump up to some expensive marriage counseling. These facts are not uncommon for married couples.
I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post, ’How Do You Fix A Marriage That Is Falling Apart? (Dramatic).’ More valuable content on this fascinating matter is here; click the link, and it will open a new window in your pre-existing browser. The images are from the “Captiva Collection,” Wedding, Pregnancy People (1), and Romance by David Watson (I’ve got the copyright). All rights reserved.
