Let’s try to analyze and solve these painful questions when dealing with the large scale phenomenon of people disillusioned with dating:
- I’ve become disillusioned with relationships and romantic love; what should I do?
- How can a man avoid becoming disillusioned with women?
- Do you think it is a silly idea to date a man I met online?
Stressful, isn’t it?
Dating in our 40s is not much depressing but it does get really hard to find a match.
I believe that some observations of online dating, mainly for separated and middle-aged people, could tell quite a lot.
Statistics help.
It is overcoming the bitterness that is middle-aged dating. Online dating. Stages in a relationship. Reactions.
While some men have responded to women’s experiences of online harassment by being less assertive, polite, or supportive in their communications with women, this does not appear to be a remedy for women’s experiences of harassment.
Most women say they are disappointed with men who do not use a polite, well-defined “I’m sorry” to end communications when they are disappointed by behavior.
Other women report that men have used their humor to cover their unpleasantness and cover for their harassment.
In other words, women are more likely than men to note that men do not take their feelings of being disappointed in them seriously.
The fact that they are expressing anger in their humor is not perceived as a serious offense.
What is disillusionment in a relationship?
A majority of women say they are upset with men for taking a longer than reasonable time to respond to their communications. While women are equally likely to report that men are using humor to avoid responsibility and cover up bad behavior, they are more likely to note that men use humor as a way to get out of situations or situations that are not resolved.
Finally, most women say they are annoyed with men for lying about their profile and occupation.
While men, not surprisingly, are more likely to report that men are not truthful about their profile and profession than women are, women say that this happens more often in situations where men express shock that a woman is unhappy with them.
It appears, from the accounts of women of their experiences with men online, that the women are more likely than men to report that men do not take their unhappiness about their dating experiences seriously and that this is a way for men to get out of having to respond to messages, to be humorous and to leave the situation.
Men report more often than they are only upset when they don’t respond and are not truthful about their profile and occupation.
Dating vs relationship. The data from the men is less specific.
Some report that they are not truthful about their occupation, and some report that they are. A majority of the men report that they are not sincere about their profile and career. While a majority of men say that they are not honest about their profile and occupation, women report that this happens when the man expresses shock that they are unhappy with them and that women do this less often.
The difference in responses of the men and women is consistent across race, age, and education.
The most striking differences relate to the experience of what is described as “being insulted” and “being lied” to by men. While a majority of the women report that these happen less often when a man does not lie, a majority of the men report that these happen more often when a man does not lie.
While most women report that being lied to by a man happens less often, a majority of them report that this occurs when a woman does not say what she wants.
Overall, the survey data suggests that the most common responses of people are that they are more likely to ignore a message if they are not happy with their profile.
Middle age singles
A majority of the men report that they are not truthful about what they say, and that is likely because a man who lies is often viewed as desperate.
A majority of the women report that they are truthful about what they say and that the male that lies is likely frustrated or trying to get something from the woman that is not honest. While men are more likely to be offended if they are lied to by a woman, a majority of the women report that this happens less often when the man is not honest than when the man is.
While women are more likely to report that a man is dishonest, the men surveyed are not more likely to say that they are dishonorable or will leave the relationship if this occurs.
The only difference that emerges from the survey data is that men are more likely to be disappointed if they are lied to by a woman.
Are you disillusioned with dating? How do you deal with disillusionment in your relationship?
The survey data on the marital status of online dating respondents was collected in November of 2009 (I know, I know, it was a long time ago; it is beneficial, nevertheless), shortly after Ashley Madison was exposed. This meant that the database was less likely to be skewed toward married individuals. Still, it did not take long before the percentage of married individuals in the survey began to rise.
I wonder if some of the married women who join these sites would not want to meet someone online but do not feel comfortable doing so in the presence of their husbands. It is a shame that one’s spouse needs to join the online dating world to meet a partner.
There is nothing more romantic than spending time with someone you are very comfortable with.
You are both pursuing very similar interests. Online dating simply provides a better forum for dating. It is unfair to assume that all those married people who join are looking for a quick one-night stand.
There are many reasons why married women are interested in online dating, and a lot of them are doing so for the better part of a lifetime.
While there are several sites with this specific demographic, most of them are expensive, and the fees are too high. The most affordable sites do not serve the niche well enough.
More and more are signing up every day in the wake of Ashley Madison’s exposure.
The most common reason these people sign up is that they are disillusioned with the offline options. They want to meet someone new, but they are not sure where to start. Some of them are already seeing someone, and they have not chosen them over her.
So when they sign up on any dating site, they are already comfortable with the technology, the writing process, and the way they write in emails. They have not grown weary of the dating scene because they are already doing something different. They are already into online dating, but they can still have a good online dating experience because they have not chosen to.
The most important aspect of an online dating experience is your profile.
It should be written well. Women should feel confident about sharing their feelings online.
There should be no fear of being judged. It should shine with good content and interesting facts. It should be a page full of enthusiasm. It should show how happy you are, and how much you would like to meet this person. It should show that you have a lot of energy and are open to new experiences.
If you are interested in knowing how men deal with conceivind and writing their profiles, about how to write about yourself for a dating site, click this link.
Make sure you write your profile well. Do not make it short because it makes the whole process feel like it is taking forever. Do not make it boring because online dating feels different than dating offline. Be adventurous and creative. Take risks.
How you write your emails matters.
Finally, the essential aspect of your profile is how you write your emails to others. Do not be lazy about this part.
Do not put things like “I love you” in your emails. This shows a level of desperation and care, and they just illustrate that you do not have a clue, are desperate to find someone, or have no self-control.
Do not make your emails repetitive. Do not write them as you are writing them.
Do not just read them off a sheet of paper.
Write them out and make them flow as you are writing them. Make it feel personal, warm, and genuine.
This is your way of letting someone know that you are genuinely interested in them.
Loving men or avoiding them?
Could you influence men into loving you? Could you get men to always avoid you as in “there is no planet for men here“?
You can not. You are still trapped at the receiving end. I know, I know, it makes sense too. You know how it is.
They are still attracted to you, and it is hard to get rid of them. Why should it be unsuitable for your life?
There are mainly two ways to implement it:
- Get off their minds.
- Re-write your future.
The first method is the easiest. But it won’t work. That’s because what you think right now is what will manifest. Therefore, get them off your mental map.
Don’t worry about them. Forget about them. You will be fine. Do not waste your time on them. You are not their mother. And don’t even think that you are their father either.
And, in case you think of them, then you know that there will be nothing between you and them.
Just that you will be as distant as possible.
In this way, you will erase their existence from your life. And when you are done with this, you will be free. All your attention will be on you, and you will be able to focus on your goals.
It’s time for you to get out of the cycle of rejection.
It is the only way that you will be able to manifest your dreams.
Here are some suggestions on how to get the boy or girl of your dreams:
1. Talk to them. Make them feel special. Tell them how proud you are of them. Let them know that you are proud of them. Keep reminding them of how amazing they are. Make them feel good about themselves.
2. Smile at them. Even if they have done nothing wrong, make them feel good about themselves. Smile and laugh with them. Show them you approve of their choices and actions.
3. Be supportive of them. If they are goofing around, encourage them to take control of the situation. Be behind them. If they are struggling, encourage them to keep moving forward.
4. Listen to them. Let them talk. If they are talking about a boy or a girl, just listen. Don’t try to be funny with them. Just listen. Don’t talk over them or try to make them think you are funny. Just let them talk. Let them do all the talking.
It doesn’t matter if the partner of your dreams doesn’t know you are watching or not. This is a form of mind programming that you can do.
I know, I said not to do this at home, but it is just as important. Just like with any other talent, you need to work at it.
Are you disillusioned with dating? Your best chance at finding someone is online.
It does not matter what your hometown is, your skin color, what size you are, or what religion you practice.
As long as you are human, and as long as you are a person, you will be able to find someone online.
You do not have to look far to find a date.
All you have to do is learn how to find a date online.
It may feel hard at first, but you will get better with practice and get better with a response (more on the fascinating world of online dating here and here; click the links, and they will open new tabs in your browser. Don’t forget this as well. Are there any single and disillusioned guys out there too? Are they really going to use the dating apps as well? I would bet there are plenty).
Maria
Disclaimers. The featured image (if any in this post) is from Pixabay; it is featured in Canva; a great thanks to everyone for their excellent work! An email and a link would also contribute if you could give me some Twitter share, a Youtube, Instagram, a Facebook share, or other social media and communication. I hope; it will help a lot! The affiliate disclosure is on the disclaimer page (and yes, if you buy through my links, I might make some small commissions)
PS. Please, consider my ‘wise and intelligent’ considerations with some reservations. They are nothing else than personal opinions. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot, therefore, guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or couple relationship or happiness or mental health, whatever situation). My advice or words or jokes or whatever associations couldn’t in any way or form replace a thorough qualified legal opinion; act very wisely, please.
I hope you have greatly enjoyed reading my blog post, “Disillusioned With Dating! How About A BETTER Understanding.” The images are from the “People Collection, People (3) Female (1),” and Romance by David Watson; the Instagram image is from the volume ‘Quotes ‘by the same author (I’ve got the copyright). All rights reserved.
