How would one break off an emotional affair without hurting the other person – that’s the most caring love testimony I’ve ever read.
Do people who leave their long-term relationships regret it? Breaking off an affair, ending it abruptly or forcefully (maybe the legal partner found out about it) would never be an insensitive moment.
If it wasn’t a one-night experience, indeed, there was love and passion involved.
However, you should have shared memories of beautiful moments, and there are serious causes that brought you two to marital infidelity.
Affairs that last more than a year…
When you’re trying to break up, it’s normal to feel defensive about yourself.
What’s wrong with you that your partner would want to be with someone else?
Sometimes you’ll tell yourself that he’s at fault because he doesn’t pay enough attention to you.
Or he doesn’t understand your needs, or he doesn’t make you happy.
But then, you wake up the next morning wondering if you’re going to keep blaming him.
Ending affairs when you are in love is particularly painful.
If you’re the one who had an affair, it’s normal to wonder why this happened to you.
Everybody knows that breaking off an affair may sometimes evolve dramatically. Emotional affairs are extremely hard to end.
Concentrate on the ‘here’ and ‘now’
But, rather than dwelling on the why you need to concentrate on the here and now.
This is where you have chosen to end the affair.
And, you’re at a loss for words to express how you feel (well, ending an affair might become hell; click the link to open the blog post in a new browser).
Of course, if you’re the one who cheated, it’s normal to wonder how you could ever have done this.
But, as the one who endured the affair, you’re going to have a more challenging time imagining what your partner would feel today.
Looking back or forward?
And, there is a difference between looking back with sadness and remorse and looking forward to making him happy in the future.
You are going to have a lot to work on rebuilding that trust and respect.
And, you need to develop new ways of relating that makes him feel safe and loved by you rather than insecure and scared of you.
Usually, how extramarital affairs end painfully.
Finally, it would help if you took responsibility for your own feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty.
You didn’t intentionally try to disrupt your partner; you don’t even know for sure if your partner still loves you (more on this painful matter in this fascinating article; click the link and open it in a new window of your browser).
Still, suppose you are serious about saving your marriage.
In that case, you need to acknowledge that you were in a relationship where your own needs were not always considered.
You could have made different choices that might have made you less likely to cheat.
But, if you did have an affair, rather than blaming your partner for letting you down, you need to take responsibility for taking him down that path.
This requires an acknowledgment that there were problems in your relationship that could have been addressed. If you are interested in reading more on this, here is a blog post entitled I just found out my husband cheated on me; it would be, hopefully, a fascinating reading.
There were probably conversations you could have had that would have put you on the road to a happy marriage.
What are the reasons why couples break up after a long relationship?
Every affair has its own reasons.
If it was a long affair, the breaking off would be complicated.
Life is never without complications!
You chose to take a risk and to fall in love with someone else who might not have been able to work things out in the end.
It is possible to survive your affair, even to build a better marriage.
But, this will require that you listen to your own inner feelings rather than pushing them away and focusing on your negative emotions rather than your positive ones.
This means that you make yourself vulnerable to your feelings rather than pushing yourself away from your feelings.
It means that you allow yourself to experience both pain and joy.
And this means that you are there for your mate regardless of his limitations.
It also means that you let go of the beliefs that make you mistrust your partner, which will suggest that you open up your heart to him.
You can have your own opinions, but you do not need to use them as a shield against love.
My own experience…
For me, it was a case of saying to myself,
“yes, I am hurting, but let me think about this for a moment, and I will consider what I have learned. Yes, I am angry, but let me pause and make sure that I am clear on the problems that led up to the affair, and then let me be clear on my partner’s expectations. Then I will consider whether the relationship is worth fighting for.”
Is there love in an affair? Of course, it is…
If you’re like many of us, then your world will be rocked to its core when you learn that the person you thought you could trust has been unfaithful to you.
But, as crazy as the feeling maybe, the world must go on.
What you must do now is find a method to pick yourself up.
The pain you feel at this point in your life is nothing compared to what you face if you do not resolve your relationship issues with your mate.
Obvious signs of a cheating spouse…
If you see signs of a cheating spouse, then take this as a sign that you need to start working on restoring your relationship.
This is only a warning sign that something has gone very wrong. It’s painful if you are a betrayed spouse and, moreover, a hurt spouse.
You can not sit back and wait until you have concrete evidence of cheating.
That would only be giving in to fear.
You must take proactive steps to restore your relationship.
Suppose you act immediately and take decisive action.
In that case, you can build the solid foundation you need to fix your relationship.
I learned of my spouse’s affair when one of my best friends called me.
We were both married then, and she had also been cheated on.
I did not at the time suspect that it would happen to me.
The thing I was most worried about was the loss of our marriage.
But, it did happen to me, and I have worked very hard ever since to save my marriage.
I am happy and very much alive.
My advice is to take action now.
You can save your marriage.
You must know how to uncover common signs of a cheating spouse.
You must know how to get the truth.
And you must know how to bring the cheater into the light.
If you do not know how to do these things, then your partner’s affair is just a suspicion and not a fact.
Breaking off an affair implies this:
These are the first two steps to rescuing your relationship.
Take them, and you will soon find out the truth (possibly, after many years of lies and refrained indiscretions about possible affair partners).
You’ll find the ending and the possible recovery.
1. Learn how to find the signs of a cheating spouse.
Look for changes in their behavior that suggest they are spending time with someone else.
These might take the form of a sudden interest in their appearance that seems out of character or odd, sudden outbursts of anger or frustration out of character.
If you do not know how to detect a cheating spouse’s signs, you will be blind.
Could you not take it lightly?
They can take the form of something utterly innocent that totally fits the profile of an affair.
2. Become the spy.
Get access to the mobile phone of your cheating partner. Read their text messages.
See who they are calling and receiving calls from.
This is an incredible way to bust them.
Learn how to do it, and you will catch them.
Learn how to become a mobile phone spy now.
Breaking off an affair would be extremely painful…
There is a multitude of ways to rescue your marriage.
Use these methods as a springboard.
Use your observation and intuition as the right tools for the job.
If you do not know how to rescue your marriage, then you are falling into a black hole of fear, confusion, and doubt.
You will soon find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Free yourself from the Pain. Start with Yourself.
The best technique to end an affair is to start with yourself.
You’ve had a strong suspicion for a while that something was wrong.
That your partner wasn’t faithful to you.
Now you have concrete proof.
End the affair on your own terms.
It’s hard to think about being unfaithful to the one you love.
It is hard to face your conscience over something that was a huge mistake.
You’re going to have to face the pain of an affair.
But, you have to face the pain.
The affairs are going to need to be addressed at some point.
You’ll have to approach the hurtful affairs aspects and deal with them.
It would be best if you were prepared to admit that the affair and everything related to it were wrong.
You have to focus on getting over the hurt and dealing with whatever consequences come with it.
Decide If the Affair is Truly Over.
No matter what the terms are, it would help if you decided whether you would stay with your partner.
The problem is that you will need time to see what it’s about the partner’s behavior that made you cheat.
This will take time.
It will not happen overnight (if you are interested in reading more about various signs of cheating and about the husband’s guilt, click the link; it will one a new window in your browser)
You need to see if the deceiving partner is remorseful and willing to change.
Decide What You Are Willing to Lose.
If your partner wants to work on the relationship, then you need to do the same.
If you don’t want to work on the relationship, it will take a lot of time and strain on your part to end the affair.
This will take the pressure from both of you.
You will need to talk about this and decide what you want out of the relationship.
You will need to determine whether you are willing to accept the consequences and look the other way.
And, you will need to decide if you can deal with the responsibility and still hold yourself open to potentially loving someone else in the future.
Put It in Perspective.
No matter what you pick, you will need to approach it with a realistic view of where the relationship is now and where it is going in the future.
It will be hard but necessary to accept that you will need to work on your relationship and deal with it.
When there is breaking off an affair involved, you might need to do this more than once.
You will need to be realistic about how hard this will be for you, how it will impact your life, and the time it will take.
Your efforts and your future can be more important than your present pain (more on extramarital affairs here; click the link).
You will also need to prepare yourself for possible negative feelings that may come as a result of the infidelity.
You will need to accept that you are the one that is going to have to deal with these feelings and emotions, but you don’t have to store them inside of you and watch them torment you.
You can handle this and move forward healthily.
You will have to prepare yourself for pain, but this is inevitable and normal.
You will need to be honest about what you see, feel, and experience.
You may need to step back from reality and do some self-work to prepare yourself for the future and the pain that lies ahead.
The work that you do as the injured party is necessary if you will handle it without losing control of your emotions.
Falling into despair and hopelessness will not allow you to move forward.
You will need to keep moving forward so that you can get what you need and want after this hurtful breaking-off.
Keep the road that you are on light and free of potholes, bumps, and deep cracks that slow you down.
This work that you need to do is required to be where you want to be and experience what you want to undergo without getting bogged down by the negativity that you encounter along the way.
The above summarizes the steps required to free yourself from the pain and the anger of betrayal.
These are the steps that I have taken that have liberated me (yes….me too….).
If you have decided that you want to free yourself, then it is time to take action.
PS. Thank you for your interest! Please, consider my words and advice as a personal opinion. I am no guru, and, unfortunately, I cannot guarantee happiness (in wealth or marriage or breaking up an affair, or in whatever situation; sincerely hoping that your husband will not show any signs he will cheat in the future, again, or if you have chosen the separation way from your affair partner, it would proceed well). I sincerely wish I could…
Disclaimers. All photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson (I’ve bought the copyright). The featured image is from Canva; the Instagram quotes come from the Quote Collection; a great thanks to everyone for their work! All rights reserved. If you could give me a Twitter share, a Youtube, Instagram, or a Facebook share, it would help me a lot; thanks!
Please, observe that English is not my first language. If it “resounds” a little bit weird, please, excuse my skills.
I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post entitled Breaking Off An Affair. How to End with Someone You Love?